An Impossible Attraction

Chapter eight

James stared at Nathan stunned, he never expected him to proudly admit to his speculation, but he refused to lose to a seventeen year old boy. “Then you will start by telling her how you feel.”
“I will, definitely, but at the right time,” Nathan replied.
James shook his head, “there is no such thing as the right in love boy, you know what I think? I think you are scared. Yes, you are afraid to tell her how you feel because you are afraid of her answer. But that’s not the only reason you are afraid, you are also afraid because you know she is going to point out the obvious. You are ten years younger than her. She was there when you were conceived; she was there when you were put to bed. She bathed you and she changed your dirty diaper. She can’t be with you; you are like a brother to her. And what’s more, people are going to talk, your union will do nothing but make people spit out in disgust and knowing Tracy, she will never want a life like that.”
“You lie, you are trying to mess with my mind and I’m telling you it’s not going to work. People might talk at first but when they see how good we are together, they are going to stop and they will accept us. In fact, fuck what people say!” Nathan yelled, grabbing the attention of the people close to them, “I never cared what people say anyway, I do what makes me happy because you know what? No matter what you do in this life, people will talk. So I don’t give a damn what they say.”
James smiled at the onlookers, silently telling them not to worry and when there was no attention on them again, he turned to Nathan, “then what about Tracy, have you thought about her? Have you thought whether she cared about what people say or what it will matter to her life? Have you ever had her wellbeing in your crazy believe?”
“I will take care of her, I will never let her lack or miss anything. I will provide her with anything she wants,” Nathan said adamantly.
“With what, the monthly allowance your mother gives you, or is it weekly pocket money? What exactly do you know about women needs that you think you can provide, huh? Face it Nathan, you are a boy, a fucking seventeen year old boy, it’s time you get that into your thick skull,” he poked Nathan’s head forcefully while he avoided his touch. “It’s high time you start acting like the boy you think like and leave the grownups to the grownups. Now get out of here,” he glared at him and walked away.
Nathan stared needles at the back of his head before turning around and storming out of the house. His words still playing in his mind, making him so angry and helpless, he doesn’t care if he is just seventeen, he knows he can take care of Tracy if given a chance, he is not helpless or just a boy.
“Nathan,” a voice called and he saw her running towards him, the woman after his heart and the reason he was in this state now. Tracy hugged him for a while before letting him go to say, “What was the meaning of what you did this night? How could you just run off like that without picking my calls? Do you have any idea how worried I was or how worried your mother was when I mistakenly told her I couldn’t find you?”
“I’m fine,” Nathan replied, “besides, just because you couldn’t’ find me doesn’t mean I’m in trouble or something happened that you have to worry so much.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean? I brought you here, it’s expected that I take you home safe and sound.”
“Yeah, as the baby I am, isn’t it?” he said sarcastically.
Tracy didn’t like the way he talked back at her and she got a little angry, “as a matter of fact yes.”
Her reply angered Nathan, “well, in case you must know, I am not a baby and it’s high time you and mom stop treating me like one.”
“Whether you like it or not young man, you are a baby. You are only seventeen.”
Having her mention his age just like James didn’t help matters and for once, he didn’t want to see her. “You know what, I can’t do this here,” he reached into his pocket and brought out her car key, “you can go home now,” he handed her the key.
Tracy stared at the key in his hand and back at him, “I came here with you Nathan and I am not leaving without you.”
“Yes you are,” he dropped the key in front of her and started walking away.
“Where do you think you are going?” she demanded angrily.
“Out,” he yelled.
“Nathan, get back here, your mother is really worried and she wants you to call her.”
“My phone is off, I will call her when I charge it.”
“Get back here, Nathan, you are acting strange this night and I am really worried about you.”
“Well don’t be, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Just because I’m seventeen doesn’t mean I will get lost by taking a little walk.”
“Nathan!” she yelled but he didn’t look back and she stood and watched him leave till he was enveloped in the darkness.
Nathan walked and kicked the dirt angrily, James words kept repeating in his mind and Tracy confirming it annoyed him the most. “I am not a baby!” he yelled in the darkness, “I am not a baby, I can take of myself. I can take care of you. I can work, I can provide. I am not some weak seventeen year old boy.” He kept yelling and kicking the dirt in anger. He believed that maybe if he yells it enough, everyone will start believing it, he will start believing it.
But at the end of the day, he knew James was right, how can he provide for her now, he can’t get a good job yet, not unless he finishes school. The only job he could get now is a waiter in a diner or in a café. He groaned angrily and then slump on the floor, the tears cascading down his cheeks and he wiped them off angrily. He hates this, he hates the way life was presented to him and most importantly, he hates his age and he hate James for throwing it at his face.
He kept wiping away the tears till he got tired and they kept flowing down his cheeks. He just sat there on the dirt, somewhere he couldn’t bring himself yet to identify and he cried, he cried like never before. He kept asking himself if it was his choice to love her, it was never his choice, it just kind of happened. He would never have chosen this kind of life knowing the consequences, knowing how much it would affect him and his mentality. But now he already has it, how can he escape from it? How can he make it all better?
He tangled his fingers in his hair and pulled hard, the tears flowing down his cheeks as James words and Tracy’s reaction flooded his mind, making him wish this whole night was just a dream, that his life was a dream.
A car’s headlight fell on him and he sniffled and wiped away his tears, keeping his gaze on the ground. He expected the car to speed past but rather it slowed down and parked a little from him. The owner stepped down and hearing the footsteps as the familiar scent assailed his nostrils, he knew who it was immediately and he hated that she had to see him like this. He was supposed to be the man, not the weak seventeen year old boy she thinks he is. “What are you doing here, I thought I told you to go home?” he asked before she was close enough.
“I’m the adult here, Nathan, I can’t just go home because you told me to go home,” Tracy said, her voice a lot calmer now.
“Well you can see I’m okay, no need to worry.”
Tracy sighed, “Nathan, when we were leaving home for this party, everything was okay, you were much better than you are now. What happened, why the sudden violence? I don’t know you as the rebellious type. Was it something I said, or maybe something I did? Whatever it is I am sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you, in fact, I have never dreamed of hurting you, definitely not intentionally. I’m sorry okay, whatever it is, let’s talk it out, please.”
Nathan closed his eyes as the tears threatened to drop again, this is what she does, why won’t he fall for her if she is always like this? She was always quick to apologize when there is an issue, whether she was at fault or not, just anything to make him happy. Why won’t he love her? He sighed and gulped, “you didn’t do anything, it’s just…” he paused, “I don’t know what came over me, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, let’s just go home so you can call your mom. She is really worried; I can’t count how many times she has called me this night.”
Nathan nodded and sniffled, but he didn’t get up. He didn’t feel like going home yet. He stared up at her, seeing the worry clearly written on her face with the aid of the car’s headlight, he wondered if she would be like that when she learns of his secret. Something James said came to his mind then, ‘there is no such thing like the right time in love’. It was the only meaningful thing he picked from his bag of garbage and he knew he needed to act, at least get it over with and know what her answer would be. He sighed and looked down at his feet, his heart thumping loud in his chest and his ears, “I love you Tracy,” he shut his eyes tightly immediately the words left his mouth as he waited for her answer. When nothing happened, he was tempted to look up at her to know if she left without the car but then he felt and arm around him and her scent became much.
“I love you too, Nathan,” he heard and couldn’t believe his ears and so looked up at her, the shock visible in his eyes. Tracy smiled softly at him, “I have always loved you and I always will, why do think I was so worried about you tonight?” she tucked away his hair from his forehead, “do you know who else loves us both? Your mother, and we really need to call her to make sure she is okay.”
And it was then Nathan understood she didn’t understand his confession and he doesn’t know if he should be happy or sad about it. He sighed and looked down at his feet, wondering if he didn’t make it obvious or say it right. Or maybe she understood perfectly but was just in denial? He wanted to explain himself, to let her understand the kind of love he has for her but they heard her phone’s ringtone and she rushed to get it. Returning, she sighed and handed the phone to him, “it’s your mom, Nathan, talk to her, it will relieve her stress just like mine has been.” And then he knew, maybe it wasn’t meant to be tonight; maybe it wasn’t the right time after all.