L'appel du vide

Chloe or Sarah or Eve or Macey

The pale stairs to the door stood tall, like some towering figure of a place I had to resign to at the end of every day. I walked up to the sad beige door, it opened as it always did without any change in routine. The corridor with the long stairs was the same as this morning and the last. And the house is empty, all mine until six o'clock.

Sylvie comes running at me, still with the bows on her (not like Mom could be bothered to do anything about it no matter how she complained). "Hi, Sylvie" I whispered fondly, my adorable little lady-I'd had Sylvie ever since I was young, maybe 3-ish I think; She licks my face as I kneel on the floor and put my bag near the shoe rack. I pull myself from the wooden floor, traffics noise playing on repeat outside alongside thoughts plaguing my mind {'what if you ran into traffic? Would anyone stop you? Who would visit you in the hospital? Would you die? What injuries would you get?'} I try to smile to myself, pick up my feelings as though I merely dropped them for a moment.

I bolt upstairs to my room and Sylvie follows, I open the door to the room-White with only little bits of a palest pink, I drop myself onto the bed. My mind races with ideas of things I could do: People watch, cloud watch, paint my nails, make coffee, make a snack, write a letter to one of my imaginary characters...or daydream and as usual there's only one real option. I couldn't even realize why I had all these things to do when not one of them was really all that enjoyable, after all, this life was one I didn't want. (Although books were probably my one joy)

Sylvie crawls up on my belly and I can't bring myself to move, I'd just stay there and drift off into some other world of mine since I had so many: There was a world where I was a Hollywood starlet, an upcoming pop star, pianist back in the day. And there were so many that I could list them on a sheet of paper and I'd run out of room. The bright lights from the big light burn into my eyes...

There the evening went.

I lived as this glorious actress for two hours before Mom opened the door and that was my peaceful time gone. "Hey Viv!" She screeched from the doorway and Sylvie barked and bolted downstairs.