Unrequited

XXV

Raymonte's POV

I've been nervous as hell ever since Donnie and Diamond came home a few days ago.

They let me know that we'd all have to talk—As in the three of us, and that it was important.

All I could think was that they were breaking up with me... Even though technically I'm not really dating either of them, it's still terrifying to think they might be leaving me.

I would've felt better if we had at least talked immediately, but they had so much shit to handle that three days ended up passing.

Three days of nerves, three days of them being too busy, three days of Diamond still not touching me.

This has been hell.

"What you poutin' for, lil nigga?" Regal asked as she joined me on the back porch. She had a blunt hanging from between her lips and was wearing just a tank top and a pair of shorts, seeming very much like she'd just woken up—Still beautiful as hell, though. She sat in a chair beside me and raised her eyebrows, taking a hit from the blunt and passing it to me while she waited for me to speak.

I took a hit from the blunt, then sighed and leaned my head back. "I think Donnie and Diamond are gonna break up wit' me." I finally muttered. I didn't get an instant response. After a few seconds of silence, I turned to see Regal staring at me with a confused frown. "What?" I asked with my own frown.

"You really have to get your thoughts together, man." She started, shaking her head as she reached over to take the blunt back. "I get that you and Donnie are basically dating, but you just told everyone that you and Diamond aren't a thing, and now you're out here sweatin' because you're afraid he's boutta break up witchu? You made sure to announce to the world that y'all aren't together and that you don't think you want to be together, so... What's the problem here?"

I stared at her for a moment, then blinked, then tossed my head back and groaned as I covered my face with my hands. "I don't know! I'm so confused and conflicted!" I heard her smack her lips, but she didn't say anything as she waited for me to get my thoughts out. "I know I said all that shit and I know I shouldn't have. I meant some of it—Like I really am scared of him doin' me how he did Donnie, but I know he wouldn't because he treats me so good, but that don't take away the fear because no matter how much I want to believe he wouldn't hurt me, he hurt Donnie and he's literally in love with him. I'm scared of bein' wit' him but I'm also scared of him leavin' me!"

I turned to look at Regal again to see her giving me a deadpan look, and I already knew it was because I wasn't really making sense.

After a few seconds of silence, Regal sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "I can't really help you wit' this one, man. You need to figure out your own feelings, because... Don't get me wrong, I understand bein' afraid of his past actions and how they could affect your relationship, but you also can't hold that over him when you're the one always all up on him, callin' him Chulo and actin' like you want more wit' him... I'm not sayin' your feelings aren't valid, I'm just sayin' you need to decide how you move forward wit' them. Either you let the fear win and you break it off wit' him and stay wit' just Donnie, or you accept his past decisions and flaws and be wit' him despite them."

She's right. I know she's right... That doesn't make the situation any less terrifying, though.

I really like Diamond... But he's been a notorious cheater up until recently. One side of my brain knows that he's working on himself and that he wouldn't do it again, but the other side is afraid that he will...

Either way, I know Regal is right about my behavior. I can't keep acting the way I do with Diamond and then say I don't want to be with him just to be afraid that he might leave me... I need to make a decision.