Things I Can't Say ~ MV1

SIX

THE GREATEST
"I waited and waited"

Louisa Crawford

The sun peeking through the curtains warmed my skin as I stretched out, a smile stretched across my face as memories flutter through my mind like a camera.

I noticed the excess of room as I stretched through, and reached out to where I thought Max was sleeping. It was empty, but the sheets were still warm so I let myself cuddle back into the warmth the bed offered.

My entire body was still like it was buzzing, I couldn't help it. Even without him here I could feel his touch lingering on my skin, a welcomed reminder of what we did last night.

I looked over to the bathroom door, expecting it to be closed and where max was, but utterly was open- the light off.

But I barley bat an eye. I vaguely remembered Max mumbling about getting us breakfast before I drifted off again. So I stretched out lazily, feeling completely at peace and relaxed. The season was over, I'd won the championship my first year in f1, and me and max may just become something.

Should I knock on wood so I don't jinx it?

I stared out the slightly open curtains, the city waking up like I was as i waited for Max, he'd be back any minute with coffee and hopefully chocolate chip pancakes. We could lounge around and maybe relive last night. It didn't matter to me because we had all the time now. We didn't have really anywhere to be for the next three weeks.

So for now I could wait for him to come back with food.

Except...minutes as the minutes ticked by I grew restless. I played with my hair as I sat up in bed, now wearing some random shirt. I looked from the hotel clock hanging over the tv to the door that hadn't faced any activity.

I was scared I'd bite my lip to bleed before I finally just grabbed my phone off the side table. I shot him a text asking where he was, but even after five minutes- no response came through.

A small,painful, twig of doubt crept into the back of my mind, but I quickly shoved it away.

Don't be paranoid, Louisa. Max isn't that type of guy.

But the more time that passed, and soon I had been sitting on the bed for two hours waiting for him to return. As time trickled away, the harder it became to ignore that sinking feeling in my gut.

I hated that I felt like a child again, waiting for someone who didn't seem to be showing up. Whether it was my dad who left in a loud burst of anger, or my sisters who snuck out, and now it Max.

Words floated through my mind, a recognizable voice shouting the words unlovable and unworthy. 

Bile grew in the back of my throat.

"Stop it," I quickly chided myself, trying to rationalize. "Max isn't like that. He cares about me. Food can take a while to get sometimes."

I dragged my hands down my face as I let out a sigh, but then I thought- why not get some proof for myself?

I sat up, compelled to check and see if any of his belongings were still in the hotel room because that would settle the dull drumming in my chest. But it didn't take long for the dull drumming to become a constructive pressure around my head.

I already knew the answer before I finished scouring the suite - he'd taken everything with him when he left.

He left.

No note, no nothing.

My heart pounded in my ears as I tried calling him, each ring making me queasier.

This couldn't be happening.

Not again.

This is why I was always the one who left first. Because leaving first means I didn't have to deal with this building pressure in my chest that only increased with each second. I felt like I could breathe in enough air at the moment.

I thought Max was different. Different from who? I don't know, just maybe different from the type of people that use you until they don't need you. That takes what they want from you until you can't or won't give it anymore.

He promised me. I made sure last night, the realization that I wasn't as smart as I thought I was when I made him clarify for me.

"Louisa, I've wanted this for so long. You're all I want, however I can have you."

Hot tears of rage and humiliation burned my eyes as my dad's hateful refrains played on loop in my mind. A sick and twisted loop that use to try and convince myself were lies.

But the proof was stacked against me, they weren't lies. Just twisted truths I didn't want to believe.

"People only want you when you have something to give them."

A curse ripped from my throat as I chucked the first object I could grab - a heavy glass paperweight - against the far wall. It shattered with a devastating crash, raining glittering shards across the floor. Just like my hopes and dreams every time I let myself trust someone.

I'll tell the hotel to bill me over the shattered item. It didn't matter to me now.

I sank back to the edge of the bed, breath coming in ragged gasps as I stared at my lock screen - a photo of me, Max, Lando and Daniel out at dinner a few weeks ago, all of us beaming and joking around like the family I'd never had.

Betrayal and humiliation made me want to puke. I was an idiot, why did I let myself fall victim to such a silly thing?

Why did I let myself trust someone who wasn't a sister I known my whole life. I put my heart in the hands of some I thought would hold it with a a careful hold.

But I truly put it into the hands of a stranger.

Because I thought Max wouldn't do this.

And clearly I was an idiot and didn't know him very well.

How could he do this to me after everything we'd been through together? How could I have been so blind yet again?

Fury overwhelmed the hurt for a fleeting moment, my cheeks burning. I needed to get as far away from this place as possible.

Pulling up my airline app with shaking hands, I impulsively booked the first flight home to Monaco, throwing my clothes into a bag without a second thought.

Leaving the suite, I couldn't bear to look at the shattered glass one more time. I knew if I did, I'd become a match shattered mess

———
Queen didn't even get her pancakes