Poems

An effort.

My life is falling apart like dominoes.

I don't understand chemistry 

I don't know why formulas won't work for me

And how it works at all

I'm getting better at math but I'm too slow

English, my best topic, has been getting out of orbit.

I have a birthday party this Saturday

And I'm planning a hang out this Friday

But for the last few weeks

Everyone's been either busy or ignoring me

My mom's the same self centered woman

Who often forgets I'm still emotionally dependant 

So for the last five years I've been off on my own

And I guess that's the worst part.

You'd expect my closest friends like Ella, or Nae

Or my friends from school to notice

But I guess they don't.

Ella's on a trip, Nae's having a hard time because her dad is gone

My friends have the same load of work to do

I'm not blaming them, no way

I guess what I'm trying to say,

Is that the worst part,

Of my life falling apart like pieces of a puzzle game

Is that there's no one there to see it

No one there to try and prevent it

I wouldn't even care if they made a difference

I would just like to see someone care

I'd like to know that someone does love me

My mom rejected the one hug I tried to ask her

When I was crying

And I'll never forgive her.

My friends just don't notice, and probably don't care

So I can't hold a grudge.

I guess the problem is me,

But for once, please,

I know my life is horrid, ugly and terrifying 

It's falling apart, every night I cry

Every night I have nightmares and wake up crying

I have no will to continue, except MUN conferences

Anything, that gives me a reason to live becomes my reason to live,

Because every night I wish I was dead

And every night I stare at my balcony and consider the jump

Every night I think about the people who care about me,

Do they really?

Because for once, I'd like to see someone just try.

I know I'm a mess and a disgust of a person.

But is it too much to ask,

To hope that someone 

Anyone, just one

Helps me?

Just a tiny bit.

I'm not asking for much.

A hug, or a simple wave.

I wouldn't care if it didn't work

And I'm still broken and weird 

I'd just like to see someone want to do it

To see someone try

To see someone make an effort.

Because with every dominoe that falls

I want to gauge my eyes out.

Cut my hair and rip my ears off,

Snatch my fingers off.

Press my nose so hard I'll die out of breath,

Stop my heart from beating and just die.

That's the real worst part.

That I don't want to die,

I just want everything to stop.

And I can't on my own.

For the past years I've tried and it always comes back.

So I need help.

I know that.

But it's so hard to say.

I was crying earlier and thought to myself,

I want to tell someone, anyone.

But I don't have anyone to tell.

So I need help.

From someone, anyone.

Someone that at least wants...

Someone that at least tries...

Someone that makes the effort...

To put back my life.