Brighter Than My Porch Light

The Revelation

It's the fourth day since the award show, and I've been messaging Seulgi, expressing my desire to talk in person. There's been no response. I'm worried; I haven't heard from her. Isn't she worried about me?

On the fifth day, she finally texted me of her own accord, and I almost choked on my drink.

She texted, 'I'm sorry for putting you in an uncomfortable position; it's not how I planned it.'

She's extremely apologetic.

I didn't waste a second and replied instantly: "I want to see this in a new light, so please, I want to talk face to face."

We exchanged a couple of messages, checking our schedules right away, not wasting a second to digest messages and formulate longer responses.

I informed her that I had so many questions—whys, when's, and how's.

She acknowledged it and we'll meet in a couple weeks.

***

I need to show up at work; life goes on. I consulted Jisoo about Seulgi, and she simply said, "She's getting by."

Jisoo suggested that I do what I can without feeling pressured. She's more concerned about my well-being than about how I look on camera, but of course, I want to deliver my best.

She gave me a healthy, gluten-free molten lava cake, and I thought this day should be as amazing as this delicious cake.

Yeri was fitting her costume for the next scenes. I need a warm-blooded person like her to be present, someone who gives intense advice.

Yeri, being a listener and a chatty friend, makes my day a little easier to endure.

"I just feel so blindsided. Everyone knows, except me. Seulgi informed everyone, and I'm the last to know. It's like a punch in the gut," I told Yeri while fixing my script.

"What are you talking about? She didn't tell me; I just noticed it," she says, looking at me, bothered. She puts down the costume and explains, "She has asked me for favors numerous times, to bring you food. She would pay for it. That's why whenever I had food, I made sure to share it with you."

She gently grabs my hand, puts her other hand on my shoulder, and says, "I take care of my friends too. But Seulgi's effort is just too extreme to go unnoticed."

"That lava cake is probably from Seulgi too. Go ask Jisoo," she said, pointing at my cake before turning around to pick up her costume again.

I'm just trying to comprehend everything.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, watching her do her thing.

"Well, you didn't ask," she replied, slightly raising her shoulders with a sneaky smile.

Sometimes her excuses impressed the heck out of me.

"Everything Seulgi did screamed 'I love you.' At one point, I even thought you knew because it's too obvious," Yeri emphasized.

I can't concentrate on my script. I try to recollect our past days, months, and memories with Seulgi. What day did it start? Which effort screams 'I love you' as a friend, and which one's scream 'I've fallen...'?

***

After my scenes, half of the crew had packed up. I went to Jisoo and discussed things about Seulgi. I didn't know what to ask, but she was ready to lay everything on the table.

"Do you remember when you were late because you were with Jennie? Seulgi called me to cut you some slack. So even though I wanted to scold you for being late, I held it in," Jisoo recalls as she fixes her purple duffel bag.

"Why didn't you tell me anything?"

"She doesn't want you to think she's wooing you. She doesn't want to cross the line and give Jennie the wrong message," she says, glancing at me while cramming folders into her bag.

I listen to her sharing how Seulgi knows meddling can create tension and more conflict with different parties. I already know those; Seulgi is mature enough to respect boundaries.

I'm standing beside Jisoo like a motionless kid waiting for her to give me more cookies.

"You're a smart woman, Irene. A very intelligent one. It's either you knew but you're in denial, or she was lacking effort," she says, giving me a friendly side-eye stare.

She zips up her bag, smiles at me, and whispers, "And I don't think it's the latter."