I'm A Lovexxck

Just Above The Horizon

Salty air, and chilling waves wake me up. Surprisingly, I am alone but lonely. I am still drowsy but because the small tent I am in, I can vividly see the pinkish color of the horizon, causing me to force myself to be fully awake. I thought, that shade of horizon can only be observed during sunset but I was wrong.

I grab my phone to capture the enticing view of the sky. The pink sky now mixed with orange and yellowish shade. I can almost imagine the sun smiling at me as it peeks above the mountains.

I point my phone's camera to it. Although, it is a mid-range phone, exact angle makes the view more breathtaking. I smile as I take a look at the photos but that smile automatically fades when I notice someone sleeping near the sea.

I tiptoe as I walk towards the person even though the sand I'm stepping can not create so much sound that can make a sleeping person awake.

Long lashes that every girls wanted to have. Natural pinkish lips that you can never resist of trace with your fingers. Warm ivory clear skin that everyone envies. I smile as I take a photo of his angelic face. Right after, I shoot a video of the sunrise as well as the waves.

“Waves never fail to calm you, huh. Are a round scad during your past life?” a low and sexy voice says beside me. I look at the pereon who talks only to know that it is the person who was sleeping earlier.

“Possibly,” I answer as I stiffle my style. How can he be that gorgeous even though he is still half awake?

“I’m just kidding,” Kirk says as he grabs my arms—catching me off guard—causing me to lost my balance and fall beside him. He used his toned arms to prevent my head from being hit into whatever. I laugh as I snake my arms around his waist.

I still can't believe that everything is true. I mean, we're true. Back in times, we are totally strangers. Raised in the same place, studies in the same institution but never said “hi” to each other. I used to hate him even his mere breath. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't stinks or has a smell but it’s getting to my nerve like “why is he breathing? Who gave him the right to?”. Then like a big bang, it is like huge explosion and instantly found ourselves inseparable.

It was me who catch a feelings first while he was bethroted to another. It was one of my darkest times before. I had suffered from mental illness that I never thought I would experience. That was the time, I believe with what my mom had said, “never fully give yourself when loving someone because love has the highest form of insecurities”.

I dwell with the thought that our story will be having a period. I stopped having a conversation with him. Never went to our favorite night spot and everything that includes him. It started to lost our grasp to each other. Perhaps, my fault that I ruined our friendship with my feelings. I didn't know that it would be too risky to confess to him.

Those “sorry about your feeling”, and “reacted 💜 to your message”. Upon fading away, it was the only point that I found he has no emotional intelligence, causing me to hate him even more. Slowly, he became my pet peeve. From most trusted friend to pet peeve real quick.

Those emotions linger me for months. We come back to being who we are before. We go back to talking formally. Until June 23, a special day to one of our friends invited us in his birthday celebration. I was hesitant to attend because I knew that Kirk will be surely there.

“I will be sulking if you’ll not be there,” my friend says in a pleasing tone.

“But it will be uncomfortable to the both of us,” I answer referring to Kirk.

He sips at his smoothie before talking. “If you don't mind, may I ask what happened? It's been months and whatever the reason of you being distant to our circle of friends, only you and Kirk knows.”

I bit my lower lip to prevent myself from crying. “I-It’s for the b-betterment of me and Kirk.”

“How about us? Did you even considered us when you made your decision?”

I bow at his question. It is a selfish decision of me to distance myself from them. It shall be Kirk whom I'm distancing myself. It shall be Kirk.

“I-I’ll be there.” I look up at him only to glimpse how his eyes shine.

“This would be my best birthday ever! Thank you, Nanoue!” he squicks as he rush towards my side and hugs me. I laugh at him and gently taps his arms.

We catch up with each other for almost three hours before deciding to go home. I still need to ready myself with whatever may happem this night.

It is just a simple dinner with the circle of friends that is why I didn't bother myself to wear something formal. I'm contemplating myself if I'll knock their door in front of me or I should go.

“I will be sulking if you'll not be there.”

“I will be sulking if you'll not be there.”

“I will be sulking if you'll not be there.”

But his words never comes out of my mind. I breath deeply countless times to somewhat calm my rashing heart. When I feel I'm ready, I am about to knock the door when it suddenly opened.

Long lashes that every girls wanted to have. Natural pinkish lips that you can never resist of trace with your fingers. Warm ivory clear skin that everyone envies.

“Kirk,” I whisper.

“Y-Yeah? Long time no see,” he greets. He smiles as if nothing happened. He still wear his sweet smile that he usually gives to me before.

“C-Congratulations on your wedding,” I greet him as I force myself to smile back at him. He has taken a back when I say it but then pull himself together immediately.

“T-thanks, come in.”

“Hi!” Axcel greets when he sees me entering his house.

“Happy birthday!” I hug him tight.

“Thank you, dear!” he says with utmost sincerity.

A forceful cough interrupts us in our moment.

“Uh, can we eat first? I'm hungry,” Kirk interrupts.

“Precisely! Come, Nanoue. Kirk cooks for my birthday. He's still sweet.”

I look at Kirk before looking back at Axcel. This is one of what I hated about Kirk before. He can act towards others while he is just good in words in terms of me.

The whole circle is present and they talk as if they bond too frequent while I just focus on my food because I'm no addition to their topic.

“How about you, Nanoue, how are you?” Tyeso, one of the circle shifts the topic to me.

“U-Uh,” I stutter because he caught me off guard. I roam myself eyes and find that everyone is waiting for my answer. I bite my lower lip and touch my necklace for comfort.

“How about we go to the shore for better ambience?” Kirk saves me but I'm not in the position to read between the line. Not again.

Everyone agrees and since the is just behind Axcel’s house, it never come as inconvenient to anyone going there.

We catch up together as we drink but I still become silent. Only talking when asks. They often say I really changed because I used to be jolly but now, it seems like they may lost their sense of hearing because of my silence. A deafening silence as they say.

I drunk myself because this moment is just once in a while and God knows how much I missed these people. We dance to the beat of music and let ourselves out because of longing. That night, Kirk and I also had closure which made every back to what it used to be.

“ NANOUE, YOU'RE LATE!”

I scream in annoyance as a pillow hit me hard.

“Damn you, Krich!” I shout back to my boardmate after she hits me. She immediately runs out of my room. Perhaps, she's afraid that I may fight back.

I place my hands onto my chest only to feel that everything was just a dream. And once again, I'm in my tacenda sickness.