Lost

18

It was like a small hole, this little void that had slowly appeared within Saruyama's chest; she had experienced enough loss to last her a lifetime, no matter how long her lifetime was, her mother, who she barely remembered, her younger brother and her twin; Saruyama knew loss, that familiar stinging pain that just seemed to throb in her chest and cause a constant nagging pain.

She missed Madara, as much as she perhaps shouldn't, and she really probably shouldn't considering everything that had come to light, but she did. They were friends, perhaps verging on a naive but childish love, that sort of carefree love that probably wasn't actually love, but was pure, carefree and innocent enough to be that emotion. She hadn't gone back to the river for a little while, Hashirama still went, she had last seen Madara roughly about four days ago. Hashirama was none the wiser when she appeared minus the spiky haired boy the other day. He seemingly bought the lie Saruyama fed him, and they trotted off home.

Saruyama knew though, deep down, Hashirama probably didn't buy what she said to him, but he wasn't going to comment. She knew her brother well enough to know that he probably had asked Madara about it, most likely thinking they'd had a falling out; but that was naturally far from it. It was that old thing, never truly knowing how much of a presence someone was in life until they were gone.

Sure, Saruyama hadn't known Madara for very long, but she did enjoy his company, she found annoying him equally as fun as watching him get all huffy and pouting about it before relaxing with a lopsided grin. She had told the truth to him, he was her first real crush, she had zero shame in admitting it to him; and in a way, he never said it, but evidently it was returned, if only a little. Someone doesn't tend to ask another to be in their clan if they didn't like them...now thinking on that situation, it was a little messed up, it was thrown out before fully knowing which clans they came from, but now? It just wasn't thinkable. But that wasn't wholly the point of that thought.

The days after last going to the river had been spent just busying around. Saruyama checked on Satoko a few times, something stirred in her stomach that she soon realised was guilt and worry; she had spent countless times and days in the sun having fun with a boy from the same clan that had killed her brothers, plus the boy Satoko herself seemed quite attached to. The betrayal travelling through Saruyama was almost sickening. She felt like she'd betrayed her family, she really did. But she had to say up until Madara's confession, she really didn't truly know, it was something she never dwelt on because she really did like him.

And that was the pain of loss and contradiction that she now lived with. It was truly hard to piece together how she knew the Uchiha could be, with the boy she knew; Saruyama cursed inwardly, he even protected and shielded her from someone who was clearly from his own clan a while ago. Now that she truly thought of it, the aura was like the man who attacked her compound, and yet Madara still hid with her. Someone inherently bad wouldn't do that, right?

"Have you fallen out with Hashirama?" Tobirama's voice piped up, he didn't mind silence, in fact he seemed to revel in it more than constant chatter. Unfortunately, between Hashirama and Saruyama there was rarely silence, they could try and out talk each other and Tobirama shuddered at the thought of that noise.

Saruyama was leaning her back against his, her head resting against his shoulder as he sat stoically fishing. It was another warm day, the clouds looked a little heavy like it may rain, but as yet it hadn't. Tobirama seemed intent on going to his usual fishing spot today and Saruyama had asked if she could come too, her own fishing gear laid beside Tobirama untouched. He had relented with a nod, but behind his sister he could spy their older brother looking concernedly their way.

Tobirama narrowed his red eyes in thought as he looked down at the calm waters. Something had happened between them, and he dearly wished he wasn't going to be stuck between his siblings having an argument. But they had returned home the other day amicable enough, and when he thought on it more, they had spent some time around the compound and at home and Tobirama hadn't ever seen words exchanged that could be harmful...