The Bride

Chapter 19 - This Won't Do

I'm back in the warm expectant darkness again. This is getting older than a woman trying to celebrate her 21st birthday for the 30th time, I think as I wait suspended for whatever is going to happen next.

"This is the dark path you now walk. Be strong." Ms. Manners softly says as the space I am in brightens and I find myself back in another hospital room.

Looking around the empty room I can't help but snark out, "wrong room you two, there's no one here." Maybe Mr. Loud forgot to ask for directions and took a metaphysical right when he should have went left. Typical male refusing to ask for directions. Of course if he asked for directions he'd probably scare the nurse into fainting.

I picture the poor nurse, minding her business and making her rounds. Maybe she's thinking about propositioning Dr. Stud. She's older so she's probably working on her cougars are better speech. Eww, bad mind, I scold myself. I do not need images of grandmothers propositioning Dr. Stud. It's just wrong. Oh Dr. Stud I need a pelvic exam. Can you help me? God please, someone shut me up. Suddenly in the middle of her cougars are better speech she is startled by:

"SILENCE THOSE WICKED THOUGHTS YOU INSOLENT MORTAL! HE IS TOO HOT FOR YOU! NOW TELL ME, WHERE IS THE PATIENT CALLED REBECCA? I MUST TORMENT HER SPECTRAL BEING BY GHOSTING HER INTO THE SAME ROOM AS HER BODY SO SHE CAN GNASH HER TEETH IN DISMAY! I WAS DISTRACTED BY A CATCHY TUNE THAT I HAVE RECENTLY LEARNED AND MANAGED TO GET TURNED AROUND! YOU SHALL DIRECT ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION! OH AND I MAY NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE LATER IN REMOVING A RATHER LARGE ITEM FROM MY RECTUM!"

The imaginary Nurse who stops walking when Mr. Loud starts speaking starts looking wildly around. As he continues his spiel her eyes get wider and wider as she realizes that there is a voice in her head yelling at her. As he finishes his rectum request her eyes roll up in her head, and she collapses from the horror of the idea of having to do the task I'm sure. Mr. Loud will then give an indignant, and yet totally sissy, loud huff and continue on his way of being lost until he finally drops me here.

Satisfied by my explanation on how I ended up in this empty room I gingerly sit down on a chair and wait for them to fix their mistake. I would have sat on the bed but a glance at it shows that it has been used, and there is no way I'm sitting where some stranger wearing no underwear sat. So safe, clean chair it is for me.

I settle into my chair singing the catchy tune to distract myself when it suddenly hits me. I've been neglecting Ms. Manners. Here I have created this wonderful ditty for Mr. Loud and haven't shown my appreciation for her. I rub my hands together in glee, and then chuckle evilly when I hear a dismayed 'oh dear' from the lady in question. Let's see, what can I come up with? Hmm, oh here we go. Into the empty room I sing out:

Ms. Manners was a lady they say

She practiced her craft every day

Acting so kind with a big open heart

Everyone knew she wanted to fart

But she held it inside afraid of the shame

Of letting it go and forgetting her name

Until one day she couldn't take it no more

She let one slip out with an unladylike roar

Walter giggled and chuckled and shouted with glee

Ms. Manners, he said, that was louder than me!

This tale I tell must now come to an end

I hope you, covered your nose, my friend.

"HA HA HA" I hear Mr. Loud crack out before he is suddenly silenced. I am inordinately proud that I made that grump cackle like that, and I can only hope he fell silent because Ms. Manners blasted him one for daring to laugh at her. I chuckle at my choice of inner snark, blasting him one, I'm still chuckling when the door opens and a couple of nurses walk in.