You Tripped, I Fall

chapter twenty-one

Chapter Twenty-One,
   Aina

     My mouth gaped when he suddenly said that without any notice. The mist of overthinking and worry was temporarily cleared by the light of his words. Nabato ang sarili kong katawan. Gusto niya ako. Tama ba ang pagkakarinig ko?

He likes me, si Seiji...

"What?" I tried asking again because I still can't process it. We were angry with each other just now but he... he suddenly uttered those words and then... and then...

My heart beats faster. I can't calm it down.

And he's so near me right now. I didn't even notice it because I was engulfed by my anger towards him. I quickly pushed him away, tumalikod, at tinakpan ang mukha ng parehong kamay.

My face is so hot I almost get burned from it. I started walking but heaven knows I'm such an idiot with directions. Saan ako pupunta? Hindi ko alam! Nagpatuloy lang akong maglakad without looking back. I want to take a bath just to remove the lingering thoughts of his face and his soft spoken voice.

"May gusto na yata ako sa'yo."

No, you don't! Idiot, wala kang gusto sa akin! Nothing! How can I face you now that you've said those to me? Why? I only took care of him once. Why did he suddenly like me? Or does he like me all these time? No, that can't be... I mean, that's impossible— Seiji likes me?

Just kill me. No, take me to heaven.

Bakit?! I've been mean to him growing up. I've been mean to him since he moved to the house. What went inside his head that makes him think like that? Maybe Seiji and his friends set this up to play with me. Are they nearby, filming me? But he looks sincere...

Is he serious?

"May gusto na yata ako sa'yo."

"Saan ka pupunta? Dito ang daan."

Tumigil ako mula sa paglalakad nang mapansing hindi ko na naman alam ang lugar na nilalakaran. Where am I? I looked back at Seiji from behind. I can't look at his eyes anymore! I'm so weak! Why did I let this man take over me and stir my emotions without a notice?

I hate him! He called me duwag— napakalaking duwag! But I'm not! He doesn't know anything about what happened. Wala siyang pagkakaiba sa iba. But then again, Seiji has always been like that. What's the point of being disappointed from expecting such from him?

"Sorry sa pagmumura. Ano... mm... huwag mo na akong takbuhan..."

I was looking away when I diverted my eyes back at him, only to see Seiji looking away quickly as I do.

Bakit kasi... why would he say... in that moment...

"May gusto na yata ako sa'yo."

"Just... lead the way back home," I said.

Wala namang angal itong tumango at mas naunang naglakad sa akin. I guess it's a little bit better than I am the one behind him this time. Ayokong nasalikod ko siya because I felt like he could read the back of my mind. I was embarrassed. Just thinking that someone confessed to me in a moment when I was flaring with anger totally caught me off guard.

But it's not enough to wipe every anger inside and every corner of my body. I glowered at his tall and broad back like he has eyes behind his head. I want to poke those. How dare you, Seiji. You're trespassing my boundaries and I don't know what to feel.

You're lucky you have the batman shape in your nape that keeps me abay from pulling your hair. But I realized that I shouldn't pull his hair or cause him physical pain lalo na't kakagaling lang nito sa pagkakasakit. My efforts would be wasted. And he might remember his father hurting him. I don't want that.