Joshua lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, his mind a chaotic mess. The events of the past few days replayed over and over, refusing to let him rest. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Jeonghan's face, heard his confession, and felt the ghost of that accidental kiss. He turned onto his side, then onto his back, then onto his other side, trying in vain to find a comfortable position. Sleep was elusive, his thoughts too loud and insistent.
Do I like Jeonghan? Joshua kept asking himself the same question, but no answer came. He had always seen Jeonghan as his best friend, nothing more. But now, everything felt different. He remembered the warmth of Jeonghan's body next to his, the way their lips had brushed, and the look in Jeonghan's eyes when he had confessed his feelings. It had all felt so intense, so real.
Joshua sighed and sat up, running a hand through his hair. He couldn't stop thinking about it. He liked girls, didn't he? He thought back to all the times he had felt nervous around girls, the butterflies in his stomach, the excitement of flirting. But then he thought about Jeonghan, about how being with him felt just as good, if not better. Did that mean he liked him?
No, I'm not gay, Joshua thought, trying to convince himself. But the doubts lingered. What if he did like Jeonghan? What if his feelings were more than just friendship? He didn't know how to handle these thoughts, didn't know what to do.
The clock on his nightstand showed 3:00 AM. Joshua groaned and lay back down, pulling the blanket over his head. He had school in the morning, but sleep was impossible. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Jeonghan, heard his voice, and felt the confusion in his own heart.
By the time his alarm went off, Joshua felt like he hadn't slept at all. His body was heavy with exhaustion, and his mind was still racing. He couldn't face Jeonghan today, not with all these thoughts swirling around. He texted his mom that he wasn't feeling well and went back to bed, hoping for some rest.
The Next Day
The second day wasn't any better. Joshua spent most of it in his room, avoiding his parents and ignoring the outside world. He felt guilty for skipping school, but the thought of facing Jeonghan, of seeing the confusion and hope in his eyes, was too much to bear. He still didn't have any answers, and the fear of ruining their friendship kept him paralyzed.
The Third Day
By the third day, Joshua was feeling restless. He had avoided Jeonghan for two days, but he couldn't keep this up forever. His phone buzzed with messages from friends asking where he was, but he ignored them all. It wasn't until he saw a message from Jeonghan that his heart skipped a beat.
Jeonghan: Hey, Josh. I haven't seen you at school. Are you okay? I'm really worried about you. Please text me back when you can.
Joshua stared at the message, his mind a whirlwind of emotions. He knew he couldn't keep avoiding Jeonghan, but he still didn't have any answers. His fingers hovered over the screen, unsure of what to say.
Meanwhile, Jeonghan was sitting in his room, staring at his phone. He had sent the message to Joshua hours ago, and the silence was eating at him. He felt a knot of anxiety in his stomach, worrying that he had ruined everything with his confession. He kept replaying the moment in his mind, wondering if he had done the right thing.
Jeonghan: (continuing his message) I just wanted to tell you that I miss you. I know things have been weird, but I hope we can talk. I don't want to lose our friendship, Josh. Please, just let me know you're okay.
Jeonghan put his phone down, his heart heavy. He hoped Joshua would respond, hoped they could find a way to move past this awkwardness. But for now, all he could do was wait, his thoughts filled with the memory of Joshua's confused eyes and the hope that they could still find their way back to each other.
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I kinda love this
