⁰¹ Rise With The Dawn || The Acolyte

ix. Emotional Mess

She was leaning her head against the wall and she could feel the emotions starting to bubble just underneath her skin and they began creeping back in. "No, no." She whispered and then, she was holding her head in her hands as she shook her head.

"No." The repeated word, it came out of her mouth as a sort of strangled gasp as her breathing was starting to pick up, feeling like she was being choked.

The ground had begun to tremble far beneath them and the balcony was creaking as Jecki turned around to look at the creaking noise.

"Yord, you don't think that..." Yord didn't wait for Jecki to finish her thoughts, as he walked back into the temple, seeing that the trembling was indeed originating from the Jedi that had just admitted to being constantly in pain.

"Kalna." Yord said and the other Jedi, she had her hands clamped tightly over her ears and she was rocking back and forth with her knees tucked up to her chest.

Her eyes squeezed shut tightly, with tears running down her face. "Kalna, would you just look at me?" He asked but she was barely reacting and he was looking over at Sol, whose eyes narrowed.

"Krilponnia, watch the stairs." Sol ordered and the Wookie growled quietly in acknowledgment, looking over at Kalna with a low grumble and he was walking over to the stairs before he descended, standing tall and straight up, almost like a very furry wall at the bottom of the steps.

"Whatever you are going to do, make it quick." Sol said and Yord sighed, before he was turning back to the trembling Jedi.

"Kal, you have to find an anchor. You already know this, you just have to find it again." Yord said and his tone was tinged with impatience as he was looking at her. "I know you can do it, I have seen it before. We taught one another to do it as Padawans. I mean, surely we can do it now." Yord stated and she was shaking.

"I-I can't." Kalna whispered and she was shaking her head. "It hurts, I can't. I can't do it." She was pushing her hands into the sides of her head, it was like she was trying to crush her own skull to make it stop.

Yord silently watched her, looking at the crying, sobbing Jedi Knight in front of him that had been brought down to her knees simply by normal emotions, the emotions that were tearing her apart from every side and every person that she had come into contact with. Yord sat down in front of her and he was reaching out a hand to her and she was looking at him with a sadly familiar pain in her eyes. "Then don't. Let somebody in, instead." He said and she was lowering her head, before he could feel the suffocating wave of emotions, that was rushing over him immediately.

Osha watched from the balcony door and she watched as one of her oldest friends was completely breaking down. Osha shook her head silently, as she was turning away from the painful scene.

Yord tried to separate his own emotions from the wave, but he was having a difficult time of it. But he did his best, knowing that it was only a tiny, very small part of what Kalna felt every time she was in a crowded space.

Amongst the chaos of emotions that was swiftly turning into a hurricane, feeling it through the Force, Yord could feel an opening and his eyes narrowed.

Trying to cut through the sea of emotions and replacing them with memories, and it had worked before. And hopefully, it would work again now.

Kalna opened her eyes widely at the appearance of the Jedi Temple around her, when she was sure that she was still on Olega.

Then she couldn't help but smile, when she saw that the younglings were sitting on the floor. Kalna saw herself as a youngling and young Kalna, she was cheering on the others as the lightsaber combat sped up.

Yord was already in the ring and she remembered it like it was yesterday, as she looked around the room. There was Master Vernestra Rwoh, Master Kelnacca, Master Sol and even Master Yoda was standing there watching the tournament.

Master Yoda hadn't taken on a Padawan of his own in ages but nonetheless, he was there to watch.

Kalna watched after Yord had soundly defeated his opponent, her young self was hopping up and then, she was spinning her practice training lightsaber in her hand as she was looking at her opponent.

~~~~

Then days later, Kalna was rushing off to greet Master Kelnacca, who had chosen her as his Padawan. Master Kelnacca growled in greeting and unlike most that met him, Kalna simply let out a warbling growl in return. A sound for "hello" in Shyriiwook. Kelnacca tilted his head in surprise, since Kalna didn't have a translator with her and instead of being offended by the surprise in the Wookiee's eyes, she was smiling at him.

~~~~

Years after that, the Padawans were all together in the refectory and Kalna watched the other teenagers laughing at some stupid joke, while she was feeling left out and sitting in the corner of the room with a bowl of soup in front of her.

Kalna stirred the bowl of soup with the spoon, watching as the liquid formed a small whirlpool in the bottom of it. "Hey!" She only glanced up when the tray hit the table and she saw that Yord had gotten up and walked over to her. "Why are you on your own over here, again?" He asked.

"Emotions." Kalna remembered saying and the other Padawan scoffed at the words and he was looking at her, shaking his head.

"You just have to find an anchor for them, remember? You just have to find a way to remember, that you are not feeling all of this yourself." He reminded her and she was shaking her head. "Find an anchor, it won't bother you again."

"I'll help you. Especially, if I'm the one who sets your emotional radar off of the charts. I promise." Yord said.

Yord could feel that the surge had begun to fade as he was looking at Kalna who silently was lowering her head in shame. "Come here." He said as he reluctantly opened his arms and she leaned into the offered hug as his arms closed around her, before she was returning it.

"Thank you." Kalna whispered hoarsely as Yord smiled at the words, before he nodded his head.

"I promised that I would help you, if I ever set you up for an emotional radar spike." He murmured and she was closing her eyes again. "I promised you that, Kal. And I am definitely not going to break that promise now." He said and she nodded.

Kalna looked down the stairs after she was getting up and she cleared her throat, before she let out a warbling growl. Krilponnia walked up the stairs with a whine, before she nodded and her Padawan let out a loud bellow, causing Yord to step back.

"Yord, relax." Kalna said and Yord stared at her. "He is just saying thank you, for helping me." She explained and Yord looked relieved at the words, before Sol was calling them all outside again.