His Secret Recipe

A Day Out

The day has finally come. The day that I die.

Today is my date with Francesco. Originally it was meant to be just a few errands he'd take me on, but by listening to the group chat, I ended up making matters worse for myself.

It all started the other night, when they started going on about chef Frances being my husband...they wouldn't shut up about it. See, I didn't actually agree, but they said I should "test the waters". Which already rubbed me the wrong way because, uhm, fuck water. But they were so sure and so adamant and I guess I folded from the curiosity.

So I asked them what to do because I don't know what "testing the waters" even means, and they gave me all their little suggestions. Apparently, I was supposed to do kind or romantic things for him and his reactions to them will help me tell if he's into me...and now, as I stand here today, I can conclude that chef Francesco Moretti is NOT in love with me.

The first suggestion was to surprise him with a gift or something of interest to him. But he's never mentioned any of his interests, besides, y'know - wanting me to die? And so I had to assume that because he's a chef he wouldn't mind being surprised with food. So I told the group chat.

And they had a lot to say about that.

Because, instead of me just ordering him a meal; they wanted me, someone who never even bothered to eat breakfast before hiring a full time chef - to surprise the chef with breakfast in bed.

And I know it was absolutely foolish of me to listen, but I did. I did my best to make him pancakes because I thought they'd be easiest to make.

I was mistaken.

I followed the directions on the box and they still came out god awful. In a desperate attempt to save them, I decorated them hoping it'd distract from the general sadness radiating from the plate. I sent a picture to the group chat and they all laughed at me, immediately suggesting other things I could do to take away from the abomination I'd created.

I ended up writing him a heartfelt handwritten "letter" to go with it, which was actually more of a note because I didn't know what to write to him.

Sent them a picture of that too as if I hadn't learned my lesson the first time. My handwriting was less than aesthetic, I guess, and so I ended up organizing his supplies instead.

Somewhere down that rabbit hole I forgot breakfast in bed had to be served in bed...and that my full time chef wakes up earlier than I do. So while I thought I'd gotten up early enough to put this all together before he wakes, he was upstairs dressing for the day. He ended up walking in on my attempt at organizing and nearly popped a blood vessel. So pissed, I couldn't even reveal the original surprise to him before my reflexes sent me running for shelter.

I just left him to discover it on his own. And unfortunately, he did. Now, I hoped he'd see the heart and effort I put into it instead of...well...it. But you know my luck. He thought I was trying to fucking poison him and threw it away. And in all honesty; I don't blame him.

So that was a flop. Which I should've seen coming from the beginning. All it really did was put him in a bad mood, though, I've never seen him in a good mood to begin with.

I reported to the group chat again, but they wouldn't drop it. So they were all like:

{Tonsils: Why not just talk to him? Guys love when others make the first move. Just start a conversation.

CongealedGummyBear: That's a good idea, it'd also help get to know him a little better. You could ask him about himself!

ScaryBanana: YOU COULD FLIRT WITH HIM!}