Jema

Moving {seven}

Seems like lately, we've been sitting down for 'talks' a lot lately. This is the third time this month. Dennis taps his foot over and over again. I want to tell him to stop. It drives me crazy.

"Where's Anna?" Mom asks. Who knows where she could be? She recently started playing with fire. Mom doesn't know how to deal with it, and neither do the rest of us. In response to her question, Dennis, Corey and I shrug, and Corey gets to tapping away on Toby's Gameboy again.

I'm thinking this talk has something to do with the fact that William called us last night. I didn't want to speak with him.

While Mom waits for Anna, she gets to changing Kelley's diaper. I love Kelley. She's only three months old and doesn't talk. People who talk are the people who cause trouble.

When the whole family is gathered in the room, Mom begins our topic of the day. "We're moving."

My head airs instantly. What did she say? Are we moving house? A real house with more than two bedrooms? I'm overjoyed. So far, we've moved to different parts of Lowden, New Mexico two times, trying to find the perfect house. I don't know how to express my happiness—

"When?" Corey asks, excited as I feel. He's actually taken his eyes off of the electronic game.

"End of the school year. A week from tomorrow," Mom nods. "But—"

Anna smiles big. "Does that mean I can have Sierra over in our new house? I can have a sleepover?"

"Do I get my own room?" Corey asks.

"I should get my own room for sure," I add.

"How far away is the house?" Dennis questions. The room explodes with inquiries and Mom finally yells at us to be quiet. Her face is red and she shakes her head.

"To Colorado. We're moving to Colorado. Rob found a great job up there. Guess what? Colorado gets a lot of snow, a-and it has a lot of parks—" she goes on and on, not allowing the chance to let the information sink in. More like not allowing us to get upset. Colorado? Wh-what about us? I don't know a thing about Colorado. I have to leave? Right before I finally step into high school, I'm leaving all my friends? Toby?

I can't even make out the argument that ensues between my mom and Corey. I can't leave Toby. I... I love being around him. Who the hell is going to be there for me in Colorado? Colorado with its weed heads and shit music and mountains. I have to tell Toby. Maybe I could live with his family. I'm not kidding. I've heard of a lot of people live with their friends for a few years. It happens more often than people think.

Before anyone can stop me, I'm slipping out the door with half of Dennis' red jacket on one arm, the other arm flopping mindlessly in the air for the other sleeve. This isn't fair. This isn't right. We can't leave the state. I can't leave Toby and Janet and Regan and Valerie and Mrs. O'Henry. It's not fair.

My bike pedals aren't going as fast as I want them to go. C'mon, c'mon—

Toby's alone, as he usually is. I burst through the door without knocking. He looks at me like I'm insane until I shove him on the couch and kiss him like I never have before. It's been months since I kissed him last. He tries to speak when we break away, but I don't let him, and instead crush our mouths together again. I already know what he's going to say. I don't want to hear it.

Toby finally gives up with a sigh, and his hand ends up on my cheek, caressing gently. My fingers end up tangled in that soft, chestnut brown hair and he wraps his arms around my waist. Let's go 'all the way', whatever that means for us. I-I can't help that I want our clothing gone and to feel Toby's hands all over me— other people get that but not me. It's not fair.

If we move, what does that mean? We've never really dated like I wanted to, but we've always been messing around, since I was eleven, anyway.

That's when I pull away.

"I thought we stopped that," Toby sighs. I shake my head. That was it.

"I'm moving."

"I know. Corey texted me, dipshit. I knew you'd come over. Had to kick Grace out. That don't mean you can kiss up on me." Ironically, he kisses me again. He kicked his girlfriend out for me. I want to cry. I want to scream. "Corey's all pissed too. Y'all are so dramatic." He pulls me down so I can rest my head in his lap.

"I don't want to move. It's stupid. Mom didn't even discuss it with us. She's all 'Rob found a job blah blah—' Dammit, Toby I don't want to move. Colorado? Is she crazy?"

"You're gonna be a freshman. A new start. The hardest is for Corey, so you should shut it. You're fourteen, Germ. You got opportunity and shit—"

"You're rambling," I snap. "You really don't give a shit that I'm moving?" I roll off his lap and head to his kitchen. He always has chocolate cookies in the house.

Toby follows me instantly. "You know I love you and Denny and Corey. I just... I dunno. It ain't the biggest surprise, Germ." I want to slap that stupid, adorable face. Instead, I run my fingers through his now shorter hair and attempt to pull him in for another kiss, but he shakes his head. "And... you know we fooled around 'n shit for a few years, but that's it. Can't go on and date or nothin'... you're not the only one that matters, babe."

It's the last time I hear his voice.