Jema

Gone {nine}

She's asleep now. Mommy's asleep. I'm so scared.

She screamed an hour ago. Loud and lasting forever. She threw things all around the room... Corey took Dennis and me to our room until she stopped. We don't know what happened. Maybe she's sick. Maybe she's crazy.

Dennis smells terrible, but we don't know what to do. Maybe he's scared, too. He's potty trained now, or should be. Corey's crying; he's definitely scared. I've never seen mommy scream and cry before like this. What happened? I wonder if I did it. If I did something wrong. Where's daddy?

My eyes close and I can't stop it anymore. I'm too tired. Mommy's scream scares me in my dream.

When I wake up again, Dennis is crying softly. He fell out of the crib, because he keeps climbing, but Corey is sound asleep.

"Corey? Corbin?" my mom's voice sounds high and small, coming from the living room. Corey peeks one eye open to look at me. "Boys?"

"Coming, mom!" I say excitedly. Maybe all of last night was a nightmare. Everything is okay!

Corey stops to think, but he finally wakes up and rubs his eyes. I grab Dennis' hand to drag him to the living room. He stops crying. Mommy sits on the couch, her hair in a mess and her skin pale. She looks horrible. Not like my pretty mom. She looks like she might pass out and fall down like in the movies and on TV.

"Mom!" Dennis wails. "I fell!" Mom pouts for him before picking him up. "I hurt." Why does she do that? She tells us not to pout for Dennis.

"I'm sorry, Denny," Mom says, kissing his cheek. "I'm sorry, baby."

"What happened?" Corey asks. When I look around, I see the glass mommy threw last night. It wasn't a dream. My mom went crazy. I look inside her brown eyes to see if she's morphed into a Frankenstein, but she hasn't. She's still mom. Crazy movie mom.

"I am... I want to tell you boys something..." she says with a smile. It's not a happy smile. This is bad news. My body shakes like I'm scared again. Corey sits on the floor. I'm afraid he might cut his skin on the glass, but he doesn't say anything. "I'm sorry for waking you up. I threw a tantrum."

"Mom is bad," Dennis says with a sniff. He knows that we don't let him throw tantrums. But I feel like he shouldn't have said that, even though he's only two years old.

"Mom is bad," she copies with a laugh that sounds like she's crying. "Mom is-angry. I'm upset. Um..." I see a tear slide down her cheek. Why is she crying when she's mad? "Your daddy left. He's gone."

"Where did he go?" I ask.

"I don't know. I don't know, Corbin. But he's gone. He took all the money and he's... he's gone."

"When will he be back?" Corey asks after me.

"I don't know. I don't think he will be, sweetheart. I don't think Dad is coming back ever," she sniffs. "I don't know why he left." Corey's face scrunches up like he's gonna cry too. Why... why did Dad leave? Why would he leave and take the money? That's why mommy cried and screamed last night. Corey finally bursts into tears, and mom pulls him in for a hug, too. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. My sweet baby boys... that bastard."

"What now? Do we look for him? Can we call the cops?" I ask. Mom shakes her head. I can't stop it, I start to cry, too. Mom cups my cheek in her hand.

"Don't cry, sweetheart. Don't cry about this."

"Call his new cell phone, Mommy!" Corey says. Mom shakes her head and her messy hair waves around. She has Daddy's cell phone in her hand. Dad doesn't want a family anymore.

Mommy changes Dennis' diaper while Corey and me cry in the living room. When she comes back she gives us all big hugs and kisses and tells us that we're the specialest kids in the world and Daddy isn't smart enough to stay with our family. I thought Dad was really smart when he told me about the Egip-shuns secret language and when he fixed the car before Christmas. But Mom says he's not smart anymore, and that's why he left. I believe her.

Then we sit in quiet-time while Dennis falls asleep again.

"Are you gonna call me Cor-bear like Daddy did?" I ask in a quiet inside-voice. Mommy shakes her head slow so Dennis doesn't wake up.

"I always wanted to name you Jeremiah," she whispers like a secret. Then she kisses my forehead.