Shortness of Breath

Chapter Eight

Hallie - October thirteenth

I drove home that night thinking about relationships.

There are a lot of words in the English language that have an unnecessary number of meanings. Run, for example, could mean a thousand things. There's running a marathon, there's running for president, there's running a business. A car runs. A play runs. Water runs. You can give someone a run for their money, you can run an errand, run the gamut, have a run in your tights.

Relationship, I was thinking, is another one of those words, because any two things that connect have a relationship. Any two people who have ever met have a relationship. A business relationship, a platonic relationship, a family relationship, a friendly relationship, a romantic relationship, and the list goes on. And yet, I was always slow to use the word, and when I did, I tended to use it in the context of, "I haven't been in a relationship in four and a half years."

I hadn't thought about relationships without thinking of Sylvana for as long as I could remember. I bet a good number of people, maybe even a majority of people, have a love like that eventually - the kind where you come to equate that person with romantic happiness, and even after it's over, can't seem to separate the two. Casey didn't know because I made a point of not letting on, but she was the first person I'd even come to think of romantically besides Sylvana since we'd met. Casey had this funny way of getting into my thoughts at random hours of the day, and even after we started hooking up regularly and I knew that in some way I'd attained her affection, I had trouble getting her out of my mind. Whether Casey recognized it or not, she and I had some sort of relationship, and for the first time in a long time, it was the kind of relationship I would've liked to pursue if the circumstances had been different - if she weren't married, if she were out, if we'd met a lifetime ago, maybe. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had that kind of trust in someone, or moreover, that kind of desire.

I didn't know why I kept prying the door open with Casey when I knew there were so many things on the other side forcing it shut.

I hadn't meant to fall asleep in her bed, but there was some sedative quality about the combination of her smooth skin and her bed sheets. When I woke up some time later, my head was on her chest and she was wide awake, like she had been for hours.

"Was I sleeping?" I'd asked, nearly mortified.

"Yes."

"Did I snore?"

She laughed. "No."

"Because when I went to summer camp this one year," I began, then stopped. "And then my freshman roommate--"

"Hallie, trust me, you're just as ravishing when asleep as you are conscious," she tried assuaging my panic in a voice that could've made my heart stop.

"I'm sorry I crashed," I said quietly.

"Would you stop being ridiculous?"

"What time is it?"

"Around eleven."

"I should go," I'd said without making any real moves. "Don't want Cooper to walk in on his mom naked in bed with what he thinks is his aunt."

She'd laughed and looked upward. "He gets his intellect from his father."

"And E.J.?"

"I'm going to claim that."

"Thank you, again," I said as I picked up my clothes and hurried to put them back on. "For everything."

Not needing to give a four hundredth don't mention it, she just did that iconic Casey Kenny smile and gave my shoulder a squeeze. "I'll walk you out."