Eighteen

The Mess That We Made

                      CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

It was just like Lydia said it would be—tents of all shapes and sizes filled the field to maximum capacity.

I got stuck sitting in the middle seat again, but I was no longer worried about trivial things. I had real demons tormenting me, and I couldn't seem to escape them.

Aiden didn't mean to add fire to the flames, burning fiercely inside me. He was an innocent bystander in my chaos.

But it hurt nonetheless. There was so much about Julian that I didn't know about, like that he had a tent for the evening. Or that he would be sharing it with other people.

I wondered if one of these people would be the same girl who has been taking up so much space in my mind lately.

I saw her in my head first thing in the morning, and then again before I closed my eyes at night. She even found a way to stare back at me every time I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

Maybe he'd surprise me and introduce another person into the mess that we made; it was hard to know for sure.

We piled out of the car, and the trees canopied around us. The party wasn't that far from town, but for some reason, the air tasted different out here—cleaner.

I could feel the ground crunching beneath my feet as we walked up the dirt road. It was dark enough now that anything too far away was swallowed up by the night.

"This stuff is nasty, but it's definitely working." Aiden chugged the final sip of watermelon toxic waste. "Jack, you should've grabbed two."

He tossed the now-empty can onto the grass in front of him. It flattened beneath his foot with a single crunch.

"There's gotta be at least a hundred-something people here." Nathan said, motioning to the cars that lined the road, left and right, as far as the eye could see.

Although she was nothing more than a shadowed figure at my side, I could still hear as Avery forced down yet another sip from the bottle.

"Apparently, the invitation was being passed around at other schools too." There was a different cadence to her voice than what I was used to. She seemed lighter, like the intoxication was peeling away at some of her more abrasive layers.

There was a break in the trees up ahead, and I could see an orange glow peeking through from the other side.

It was all slowly putting me back together—the smell of firewood in the air, the sound of trees swaying around us in a beautiful harmony, the exhilaration sitting in the very pit of my stomach.

We walked into the glow, and my heart started beating again. It was a little off-putting at first—to feel the steady thudding in my chest after living without it for so long.

Nathan's prediction was right; there had to have been at least a hundred people gathered in the open field.

Everyone stood in groups across the grass, different colored bottles being passed around between them. Out here, there was nowhere to hide; the large fire roaring at the center wouldn't allow it.

"Hey, Faith?" Jackson moved across the grass and over towards me. "Do you think I could hit your bottle?"

I've never been this close to him before, let alone spoken to him. Now that we were close enough to the fire and darkness was no longer holding us hostage, I could see the strands of bronze in his hair that went unnoticed in the natural light.

Unlike Aiden, there was a specific image of Jackson that lived inside my head.

It was junior year, and I thought I was capable of taking advanced-level chemistry—it turns out I was not. Jackson was also in this class; I could see him so clearly, even now, sitting at the plastic desk at the back of the room, ostracized from everyone else.

He never showed up more than a few times a month; he didn't need to. The few times he did grace us with his presence, he seemed to already know most of the material that was being taught.

I was curious about him, even then, but especially now—wondering what went on in his quiet world.

I nodded. "You care if I have some?" Aiden asked from beside him. "Matter of fact, we should all take a shot."

"We just graduated high school!" I was starting to see the different ways that alcohol altered our personalities; for people like Aiden, they were pretty much the same—just an extension of their usual animated selves.

Avery's change wasn't as subtle. Before the liquor hit, she refused to even look in Aiden's direction, but that wasn't the case now. She joined in on his enthusiasm; the fire's orange light cast onto her smooth skin—her frost melted by the heat.

All of us did as Aiden suggested, and when the bottle came to me, I didn't hesitate. For the second time tonight, I was on top of the world.

The fire kept us warm, and talks of the future kept the conversation flowing. Jobs. College. Cars. All things we now had to consider.

Just as Nathan started discussing the benefits of going to a community college rather than a state school, a hand tapped me on the shoulder. I turned, and the sun blinded me.

She threw herself into my arms, almost knocking both of us to the ground, and squeezed my body as tightly as she could.

"Faith! I have a present for you!" Lydia's smile stretched to both sides of her face.

There was no composure now; blood flushed to her face, her cheeks specifically, turning them a deep crimson.

"You didn't have to get me anything, Lydia."

"Don't worry, it's not anything crazy." She reassured me as we walked away from the group.

There was so much life for such a small town. I watched while Lydia pulled me across the field as everything happened around me in flashed images.

People were talking, laughing, and existing. Something that, up until recently, was missing from me.

"We made these this morning!" Lydia pulled a small container off the top of a portable folding table and placed it in my hand. "It's a jell-o shot!"

"Thanks, Lydia."

A truck raced past us, going as fast as the four gigantic wheels would take it. There were people crammed into the bed, clinging to anything that they could, their cheers roaring into the night after every turn.

Lydia noticed my staring. "Do you wanna go for a ride!" She was ecstatic.

"Uh—" I almost forgot that I was no longer bound to my promises, and it felt freeing. To be in the light with the rest of the world instead of in the shadows where Julian hid me. "Yeah, let's do it."

My stomach begged for me to reconsider, the nerves in there twisting and turning with unease. But every other part of my body was irrelevant; my only concern was the holes sitting in my chest, and they told me that they were satisfied.

Lydia slid carelessly into the lap of a boy who I did not know. "Ready?" She motioned at the boy's friend beside him, his empty lap waiting for me.

I needed to feel it—the wind, the speed, and the adrenaline. If I wanted to be alive in some capacity, I reminded myself. I climbed into his lap, and the truck started up again. "Yeah," I paused. "I'm ready."

Eighteen © Wordstothewise ™ 2024