I don't know what's going on (Bonten x F!reader)

5

A/N: There will be mentions of death and blood, I hope you enjoy.

"What..." The word hung in the now cold air, turning the once warm and relaxed atmosphere into something tense and unbearable. My face was blank, like those comic characters with empty white eyes, and the smile that remained on my lips was hollow, never reaching my eyes. I was frozen in place, a statue carved in shock.

The boy in front of me, once so full of love and adoration, now stared at me with an indifferent gaze. His mid-length blond locks framed his handsome face perfectly, but that perfection only made the moment more painful.

I should've known.

I should've seen it coming.

The way his adoring glances grew rarer, how his warmth slowly turned to cold indifference, the way he began to distance himself from me, these were signs I ignored, foolishly hoping they weren't real.

"I fell out of love." Mikey repeated, the words hitting me like a punch to the gut. Was I not good enough? Did he find someone else?

I should've known. I should've realized it right after Izana died. I should've understood when he disbanded Toman. I should've known the moment Emma was gone.

I should've known.

"No..." I whispered, my smile fading as my eyes regained their original color, the shock slowly turning into desperation. "Let's work things out. Please, don't leave me."

I was like a fool, desperately dancing for my king, willing to do anything to keep him. Why? Maybe because he was my first love, my first kiss, the first boy whose hand I ever held. He was my first everything, and I let him fall out of love with me by not protecting her, by not being there for him when he needed me the most.

Was I that shitty?

He could sense what I was thinking; he always knew me too well. "It's not because of you. I just lost the spark." His voice was calm, almost gentle, as he turned and walked toward his bike. Time seemed to slow as I reached out for him, but I couldn't grasp him- he slipped through my fingers like sand.

I stood there, in that cold, empty park, the chilly night air biting at my face and hand, still outstretched. He mounted his bike and drove away without looking back. Not once. He never did.

And I couldn't even call his name. I don't know why- maybe everything was just too much for me to handle, or maybe some part of me still hoped he would turn around on his own.

Tears began to stream down my face. Would he have stayed if I had told him I was grieving too? Not just over Emma, but over someone else? That I had just lost someone dear to me? That person was my father? I should've explained to him why I wasn't there for him.

Maybe then, he would've stayed.

Everything turned dark and gray. I looked around, disoriented. Where am I?

"I needed your protection." Her voice echoed throughout the place, making me tense up. I didn't dare turn around.

"I didn't want to die. It should've been you," Emma continued, her words cutting through me like a blade. Slowly, I gathered the courage to turn around, only to be met with her face, blood streaming down her once beautiful features.

"I'm sorry-" I started, but she cut me off.

"You're not. Did you really think my brother would love you? Did you really think anyone would like you without me? I hate you," she spat, her voice as cold as the night. "My fath—" I began, but Emma interrupted again.