The Promises We Broke

18

Ayra shuffled through the clothes in her closet, not caring about the mess she was making.

Arzan had asked her to be ready by 8. He said they were going to eat dinner somewhere special. Just the two of them.

Ayra couldn't remember the last time she felt this excited. Ayra knew she needed to look her best tonight. But it seemed the universe was against her tonight. 

No matter how many dresses she tried, she looked ugly in all of them. Every dress clung too tightly, every reflection showed flaws she couldn't unsee.

Resigned, she picked a white Anarkali from the floor. It was simple, almost too plain for the occasion, but it was the only one she could tolerate. She paired it with silver jhumkas, hoping the simplicity would hide the complexity of her inner turmoil. If I don't look good, at least I won't look like I'm trying too hard.

"Who died?" Faiz commented as she entered Iqra's room. Ayra looked down at her dress again. Should she not have worn white?

"Don't listen to him, Ayra." Iqra intervened. "You look beautiful."

Faiz noticed the brief moment of doubt on her face. He instantly felt terrible for making that comment. He was just so used to teasing his siblings on every little choice of theirs that he often forgot Ayra actually took his words to heart.

"You do look beautiful," Faiz added quickly, awkwardly, trying to patch the wound he'd opened. "Like an angel in white."

"Absolutely," Sahir chimed in. "You can never go wrong with white."

Ayra felt worse now. She hated how her siblings treated her. Like she was fragile. Like one wrong word and she would collapse.

They might be right in that. But she still deserved some honesty. If she looked ugly, she wished they would just say it to her face. Better that than trying to protect her feelings with honey-dripped lies.

"Zeher?" She turned to the remaining person in the room.

Zeher was busy sorting through the property deeds she had bought in the game, searching for the land where Sahir had landed so she could check the amount of rent he needed to pay.

As a spectator, she hadn't realized how frustrating Faiz was even while playing a game. He had absolutely no integrity and refused to pay the rent he owed her and only conceded when Iqra called him out for cheating. Even then he would find a hundred excuses.

Surprisingly though she was not having a bad time. She prayed they would invite her to play again even though she knew the only reason they had chosen to call her today was because Ayra was unavailable.

"Hmm?" Zeher asked, taken aback. Was she really asking for her opinion? Since when did anyone in this family start to care about what she thought?

"What do you think? Honestly?" Ayra questioned. She knew Zeher was the only trustworthy source here. Zeher would give her unfiltered opinion since she could not care less about protecting her feelings. "Do I look fat in this dress?"

"Yes," Zeher answered. "I don't think it's the dress though."

Assuming Ayra only wanted another compliment, she did not want to give her that. Since she was demanding honesty, Zeher was more than willing to give her exactly that.

"Shut up!" Faiz slapped the back of her head, stopping her before she could do more damage with her brutal honesty.

"What? She asked me to be honest!" Zeher pushed his hand away. She didn't understand what she did wrong.

"There's a way to be honest. You could have said the same thing in a nicer way," Iqra explained gently. "You shouldn't hurt someone's feelings."

"Fine," Zeher groaned. How much nicer do they want her to be? "You look just like an angel, Ayra."

Ayra could feel the room shifting around her, the weight of everyone's pity pressing down on her shoulders. 

Sahir tried to deflect the tension. "She's just jealous you're going out with Arzan Bhai.

"Yeah, I've been dying for a romantic evening with him," Zeher quipped sarcastically.

But her words were met with a voice that froze the air.

"That can be arranged," Arzan said, appearing in the doorway. He leaned against the frame, arms crossed, a half-smile playing on his lips. "How about this Thursday?"

Zeher blinked, caught off guard. She nodded reflexively, the idea of a one-on-one dinner with Arzan so foreign that she couldn't process it.

And if she was being honest with herself, she was feeling a tad bit jealous.

Arzan only spent time with Zeher to scold and punish her. To imagine a night out with him outside that was beyond her wildest imagination.

"I want to go on a solo date with you too, bhai!" Sahir cried.

"Of course," Arzan chuckled. He hadn't realized he was on such popular demand among his siblings. Or was it because he never gave them any time? That was it, wasn't it?

"Would you like to go as well?" Arzan turned to Faiz who was surprisingly quiet the whole time.

Faiz's eyes widened for a second, not expecting the invitation to be extended to him as well. He quickly recovered, not wanting his brother to think he was overly eager. "Do you seriously expect me to turn down free dinner?"

"Wow," Iqra said in mock betrayal. "Glad to know where I stand in your priority list. You did not even offer me yet!"

"Of course you are first in my list, baccha." Arzan reassured.

Zeher did not want to go anymore. If he was taking everyone out for dinner, there was nothing special about her outing.

"You ready to go?" Arzan went to Ayra as the four of them went back to playing the game. That ensued a fight between Iqra and Faiz, the former accusing him of stealing the game money when they were busy fixing dates with Arzan.

Ayra sighed. After Zeher's confirmation, she was starting to see it too. She did look fat. She did not blame Zeher for being honest. She was actually glad Zeher told her the truth. And look at her, was she having a nervous breakdown? No, right?

"I feel a little sick." She lied. Was this counted as a breakdown? She didn't think so. She was just trying to save her brother the embarrassment of being seen with her. "Can we maybe go another time?"

Arzan did not believe her. But the research he had done on depression earlier suggested he took it slow and that forcing her to do something she didn't want to do might backfire instead, worsening her condition.

"Tell me when you feel better, okay?" Arzan told her, planting a kiss on her forehead. "We will reschedule to any time you want."

"Thanks, bhai." Ayra said, ready to go back to her room. All she needed right now was a shower and some time alone to finally have that nervous breakdown her siblings keep fearing she would.

Before Ayra could leave, he stopped her. Ayra looked back confused. She was even more confused to see the fear in her brother's eyes.

"I love you, Ayra." Arzan told her, his tone firm yet so brittle. For some reason, he needed to get that off his chest. Something told him if he didn't tell her that now, he might never get the opportunity again. "You know that, right?"

"I know." Ayra nodded. She knew he loved her. She knew her family loved her, too.

But none of that mattered when she could not convince herself to love her.