aab e hayat ( English version)

chapter no 38

"I hope you are not angry with me." Jibreel was sitting at the study table, reading, when he saw the room door open and Hameen enter. 

They exchanged a brief silent glance, after which Jibreel turned his attention back to his book. Hameen lay down on the bed and kept watching him. After a moment, he finally spoke.

"Angry?" Jibreel turned to him with some surprise. "Why?" Hameen sat up. He began the conversation cautiously.

"Did you overhear our conversation?" He seemed to be seeking confirmation before saying anything. Jibreel looked at him momentarily, then nodded, "Yes." Hameen's expression changed. A little embarrassment made him defensive.

"That's why I asked if you were upset with me," Hameen now slightly rephrased his question.

"No," Jibreel said in the same tone. Hameen got up from his bed and stood near him.

"But I was disappointed," Jibreel completed his sentence as Hameen came closer. Now leaning against the study table, Hameen said, "I didn't mean it like that. You're my brother, and I love you very much. Believe me, I'm not against you." He seemed to be trying to explain himself.

"I know," Jibreel interrupted him gently, lightly tapping his arm. "But you shouldn't have spoken to Dad like that. He was deeply hurt." Jibreel was now trying to make him understand.

"Do you think that he gives me more importance than you?" Hameen responded. "While I used to think he valued you more," Jibreel answered him thoughtfully. "For many years, it felt that way..." He left the sentence unfinished.

Hameen probed, curious, "Then what?"

"Then I grew up." Jibreel smiled. "And I realized that it's not true. He likes certain qualities in me more, and some in you, but he never differentiated between us. If he ever did, there must have been a reason." Jibreel, as the older brother, was now explaining things to him. Hameen listened quietly. When Jibreel finished, Hameen said, "I don't want you to drop out of university and go back to Pakistan. I'm not that selfish." He seemed to be explaining himself again. "I just want to stay here," he told Jibreel.

"No one thinks you're selfish, Hameen. It's your choice, and Dad is only trying to explain things to you because you're still young and can't stay here alone. Dad is very busy and sometimes doesn't come home for days. How will you stay alone with him? That's why he wanted you to go to Pakistan." Jibreel was cut off mid-sentence when Hameen spoke softly yet firmly.

"I don't want you to go to Pakistan. I don't want your studies to be affected. I'll go. Even though I'm not happy, I feel I can't stay here and upset everyone." Saying this, he went back to his bed. Jibreel felt he was troubled. 

He watched Hameen as he lay down and then said, "It's only a matter of a few years, Hameen. After that, Dad will call you back to America too... Then you can fulfill your dreams." Jibreel tried to comfort him.

"I don't dream," Hameen replied, pulling the blanket over himself. Jibreel watched him silently. It was hard to understand what was going on in Hameen's mind, not only for others but perhaps even for himself. Jibreel went back to studying at his table. He was home for the weekend, but tomorrow he had to leave again as his next semester was about to begin.

"Who will stay with Dad?" Jibreel's hand paused while writing on a piece of paper. He turned to look at Hameen, who was lying on the bed, and asked him this after nearly ten minutes, assuming he was asleep by then. 

But the question seemed to hit Hameen's thoughts like a jolt of electricity, reaching deep into his mind. He was quite deep. This wasn't about MIT or America. What was stopping Hameen from leaving was Salar's illness, which was compelling him not to leave him alone. He wanted to stay with his father without making it obvious that he was staying for him, out of concern. Just like Salar Sikandar worried about his father but never expressed it openly.