Ghost (Second Edition)

Chapter Twenty-Two--Scars of the Soul

Luis

Luis stayed with Nathan the rest of the week, only leaving to make dinner for his mother. Nathan was getting better quickly. Luis liked to think it was because he was there.

"Luis?"

Nathan's soft voice snapped Luis from his thoughts. The faint silver glow of the moon lighted the room. Luis was lying on his back, looking up at the ceiling while holding Nathan's hand. Nathan was running his thumb in small circles over the top of Luis's pale hand.

"Yes?" Luis asked, turning his head to look at Nathan.

"Why are you here?"

Luis felt his heart drop. "Do you want me to leave?" He asked in a small voice.

"No! That's not what I meant. It's just..." Nathan sighed, "You haven't been to school since Monday, and I was wondering why?" He locked eyes with Luis, the worry was clear in those blue depths. Luis sighed and looked away so Nathan wouldn't see the hurt.

"I barely survived Monday..." He said softly, "Without you there... I was fair game to the others. I tried to be strong! I really did, but..." He trailed off.

"It got to hard?" Nathan guessed, his voice gentle.

Luis nodded helplessly.

"At least you tried," Nathan murmured; he squeezed Luis's hand.

"Hm..." Luis mumbled. He sat up. "I'm going to take a bath. This week might be my only chance to use hot water." He gave Nathan a light kiss on the cheek and made for the bathroom.

"Don't be long!" He heard Nathan call, his voice still a little weak.

Luis smiled over his shoulder before heading through the wardrobe and into the bright bathroom. He walked over to the large shower and pressed a few buttons on the wall to make the water nice and warm. He watched the waterfall for a few moments in silence before turning and using the toilet. When he was done, he washed his hands, avoiding his reflection in the mirror. He didn't need a reminder of how weak and pathetic he looked.

Stepping to the edge of the shower, Luis pulled his jumper off and threw it over towards the sink. He looked down at himself, at the red-white scars hidden under his clothes. All the harm he had ever done to himself was in full view.

He was halfway through taking his pants off when he heard Nathan's voice.

"Luis?" It was weak and uncertain.

Luis turned, his pants riding low enough to see most of his underwear. Nathan's hand gripped the door frame, and his face was pale. He wasn't looking at Luis's face, or even how low his pants were. His blue eyes were focused on the red and white scars that covered Luis's arms and torso.

"I—"

"Luis, what happened to you?" Nathan asked in concern, as he stepped forward slowly. "Who did this to you?" His eyes were wide in shock.

down at his rippled reflection in the water in the tub.

"I did..." He whispered.

Nathan was silent for a moment. "Why?" His voice was soft.

Luis couldn't look at Nathan. He was afraid of what he might see in his boyfriend's face. Fear? Anger? Disdain?

"I... I have depression, Nathan..." He said at last. "I'm suicidal... Before I met you, the only way I could deal with my situation was self-harm..." He dipped his toe in the water, making it ripple out in circles, destroying his reflection. "But even with you in my life, sometimes... it's still too much...." He slumped his shoulders and his bottom lip started to tremble.