Eastwood Academy

Chapter 22: The Sweetest Kind Of Torture

 For the next two weeks, I feel like I'm enduring the sweetest kind of torture. River wasn't kidding when he said that he wanted to be friends. The first few days, I felt timid and anxious around him, waiting for something that would cause the return of our antagonistic dynamic. Nothing has.

Whenever we have class together, we always end up talking. I often join him and his friends for lunch. We're rarely alone (I don't know whether to be disappointed or relieved about that. Marina and Tyler always sit with us, and Beth joins us a few times.

I'm shocked and elated to see that River is nice to her but doesn't flirt back when she tries to engage him. The hopeful part of me wants to believe that this is because River might actually be starting to feel a fraction of what I feel for him. The anxious and more cynical part of me is convinced that I'm just seeing what I want to see, or worse that there's another girl River is interested in and that's why he's not into Beth anymore.

Sometimes Gavin joins our group too. There's a subtle edge of tension to our friendship now that makes me a little sad. Since the first day in history class, Gavin hasn't voiced any objections to my friendship with River, but I know he doesn't like it. We still walk to committee meetings together and sit next to each other, but our easy dynamic isn't so easy anymore, and it's not just because of River. Lately, Beth has been making a point to come talk to Gavin before and after committee meetings whenever River talks to me.

I try not to care when he smiles and converses with her. I have no reason to be annoyed since I only like him as a friend. I honestly can't figure out her angle. Is she trying to make River jealous by being friendly to another guy in front of him or is her new found friendship with Gavin genuine? I'm sure she enjoys pissing me off.

River sees me watching and rolls his eyes. Clearly, he doesn't care at all, which drastically increases my mood. Good. That means all my previous fears about him being emotionally invested in Beth are unfounded. I don't want to see Gavin get hurt, and I hate the idea of someone using him to get back at me.

I know I can't say anything without guaranteeing an awkward conversation, so I stay silent and make more of an effort to talk to Gavin when we have class together, but it's hard. River naturally draws so much of my attention. He becomes my focal point when I'm with him. There's a small voice in the back of my head that screams this is very, very dangerous but I push it away.

Time is flying by faster than I can keep track of. Before I know it, it's late September, and the seasons are starting to change. Tonight, River walked me from the library to dinner, draping his coat over me so I didn't get cold. Little gestures like this make me fall a little harder for him every day. I can still smell the faint scent of his aftershave on me as I undress to shower.

As I stand under the hot water, I can't help but fantasize about what it would be like to have him with me, to run my hands down his bare chest and see the water run down his naked body. I close my eyes and pretend that I can feel his warm body pressing me against the wall as he kisses my neck.

I end up turning the water to cold to change the tide of my thoughts. It helps until I step out of the shower. Then, my mind is instantly on fire again with thoughts of River.

My thoughts must be written clearly on my face because as soon as I step back into my dorm, Jessica looks up from where she's sitting on her bed, does a double take, then frowns at me.

"I know, I know," I tell her in a rush before she can say anything. "You told me not to fall for River, and I did it anyway. I'm an idiot."

"A couple of weeks ago I would have said that," Jessica replies. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I think that dating River is still a bad idea. But I think that ship has sailed."