Louis Tomlinson.
I miss him. A lot. He said he has a lot to tell me. But he has to say it in person because it's that good apparently.
Tonight was karaoke and I was very drunk, so naturally, I was singing. Zayn stood beside me as we both sang.
Tequila was absolutely the worst drink on the planet. But I had to drink it while he was gone so that I didn't miss him too much.
It didn't fucking work, i don't know why I thought it would. It was a bit stupid of me really.
The past month has been so weird. We got back from LA yesterday and it feels odd. Lina keeps speaking in a weird little valley girl accent. She's trying to perfect it for when Harry gets back.
I stumbled off the stage, falling into Rivers lap. "I do not ever want to touch tequila ever again." She leans over. "Never again?"
"No. I feel like I just got divorced and widowed in the same day." Zayn lies on top of me. Giggling like a school girl. "If you two start making out while I'm here again, I will throw up on you."
"Why don't you just go and find a girl to kiss?" I let out a fake cry. "I don't want to. I'm scared. What if she bites me and eats me alive."
"That's pretty sexy." Vada, if Aline are you alive would you get a boner?"
"Hundred percent. I'd be inside her when I die and I think that's the most important factor." Harry missed Halloween and I keep reminding myself about it, it's not good.
He was pretty excited about it, I did go as whatever his name is from jjk just to pay my respects to him. "Louis you haven't made out with a single girl. What is happening?"
"I like em married." River smacks my head. "Stop it that's disgusting." Aline sits down beside River. Letting out a loud ass sigh for whatever reason.
"What's wrong?" River kisses her cheek. "I'm better now." Aline finally made an actual friend. It was nice but they've spent so much money on not even sure how they still have any.
But she seemed pretty happy so I wasn't about it to ruin it. "Alright ladies and gents, last song of the night. Who wants it?"
Nobody wanted it. Zayn practically kicked me onto the stage. It was ridiculous.
Drunk as shit with a mic in my hands. I liked when Harry sang this song, he got the voice down to a tee. Never on purpose but always perfect.
Oh god I miss him so bad. None of them are even aware of how much I miss him either.
I was just lay on the floor, singing with the others all dancing along on the dance floor. I hated it, I've been surrounded by sex for the past month.
They were quiet, but I could still tell. I'm always walking out of my room when one of the girls is going to get water. It's gotten to the point where I just ignore it.
I've tried about seventeen times now, to come out. To just get it over with.
But I can't do it, I can't bring myself to do it. I've thrown up about six times. I'm not even sure why I'm struggling so much.
They're all practically family at this point. I hate that I'm struggling this much, it physically hurts.
But I can't think about now, because I am very drunk and I miss Harry. "Come on. I'm gonna take you home okay." John lift me up from the stage. Carrying me out.
I'd gotten waved at like I was the queen, it was brilliant. "I miss him so much. John, it's hurting me." I press my hands to my chest. "I know. It's okay. He's back tomorrow."
"You know yellow? By Coldplay. It started playing on the radio and I fucking, cried. Like a baby. It was like I'd just been to his funeral or something."
"That's so sad. And so gay." I press my hands over my face. "I started listening to his music, forgetting half of it is screamo and I just felt so sad. I started crying to bring me the horizon and nine inch nails— and korn too. It was weird."
"I think it's sweet. That he's got somebody to actually have miss him the way you do. Zayn misses him, he keeps wearing his clothes, same with Vada. But it's not the same. He needed somebody like you. He's never really been— human, like."
"Everybody says that but I literally do not see it. I know he's got that little soul sucking stare. But that's just his face I think." He snickered. Opening my window. "It is. But still. He's never really shown this much emotion before. Not to mention the fact that he let you stay in his bed."
"Aline was supposed to stay in his bed. I'd just ended up in the wrong room accidentally." He shook his head slowly. "It was absolutely not an accident. I can promise you that for a fact."
"Really?" John sighs, driving down to the diner. "Harry plans things out without thinking. He knows what he's doing, always. He cannot see for shit. But he knows every single movement that needs to be made."
"He's got little things in his ears that tell him where to go." He had to hold me up for a second, I physically couldn't walk. "I miss him terribly."
"I know you do. Let's just get some food." I walked in slowly, rubbing my eyes to try and get used to the light.
I rest my head on his arm, falling asleep as we sat down. "Your cheeks are red."
"Very drunk." I whispered. "I see. You want the breakfast? No mushrooms right? Harry said you hate mushrooms."
"Yeah. Thank you." I felt like a little kid when I went anywhere with John, I was always half asleep and he's warm so I'd constantly get really close to him. "Thank you." I whispered. "For what?"
"Everything." I think about it a lot. Everything he's down for me. I like to think he's the dad that I never had. It was stupid I know. But I just felt like this is what I was supposed to have.
"You little softie. You don't have to thank me. I would do anything for you. You know this." He kisses the top of my head. "Still. I mean it."
