Anxiety

•Chapter four•

Today I'm going home. I'm going back to school tomorrow and back into the real world. I just got into my car and I'm heading home. The car seems so foreign. Well duh Acacia, you just spent a month and 1/2 in a hospital. And in case you're wondering. No the boys didn't visit me after I left that message. My parents didn't either. No one did. The anorexia did actually almost kill me though, I blacked out for 5 hours, and still, no one came to visit me.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by suddenly stopping at an all to familiar house. I hopped out of the car and ran towards my front door. I unlocked it and ran inside and up the stairs. I pushed open the door to my bed room and gasped. Everything was taken down. My collage that had taken me months to put up was now ripped off the wall. My art I had painted on my wall was now covered with the same white as my walls. My bed sheets weren't anymore the beige they used to be, they were a boring off white.

I saw a box with my collage sticking out of it and rushed over to it. I picked up the college and saw it was destroyed. The glass frame was protecting it was cracked and the paper was bent and ripped. "They thought you weren't going to make it. So we took everything down. We are truly sor-" I cut her off. I forced a fake smile upon my face, which I had done a lot lately. "It's fine. I'm just happy to be home."

+~+~+~+~Next morning+~+~+~+~

I had already showered and stuff. I threw my hair up into a pony tail. I walked over to my drawer and picked out a white crop top, a thick black cardigan and dark blue jeans. I slipped on black vans and made my way to school on my long board. I luckily did all my make up homework in the hospital.

I walked into class and it was like the first day all over again. Everyone looked at me blankly. "Welcome back Miss. Clark! Just to let you know you have been excused from the health project due to your.... Conditions." I just nodded my head. Conditions? There's nothing wrong with me. I sat next to matt. "I heard the voicemail. I'm glad you're still with us." He whispered to me. "Just don't be surprised if one day I don't wake up." I whispered back. He didn't respond after that.

The rest of the days all I heard was either "Stay strong", "keep fighting hun" or "ew look at her" "She probably starves herself for the attention."

Finally lunch rolled around. I grabbed a Caesar salad and looked around for somewhere to sit. I looked at the boys table and none of them had even acknowledged me. I walked past them, in hopes that they don't see me. But when do things ever go my way?

"Hey acacia, comes sit with us!" Aaron yelled with a big toothy grin plastered on his face. "They left you acacia, just like everyone else. Just keep walking. They left you when you needed them the most." I whispered to myself, but some of them caught on. "Hey, I know what we did is wrong but stay strong for me and get better. Okay?" After that I blew it. "I can't get better if there's nothing wrong with me! And even if there is, can't you see? I've already lost the battle! And guess what sam? I starve myself because your friend here told me I was fat all through elementary school and middle school!"I pointed to matt as I said the last part. "And the rest of you can rot because when I needed you, you all just abandoned me."

They all stood there astounded. I then realized what I did. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. I just, I just-" I said oh-so-softly that I could barely here myself. "Nothing wrong with you? You were in the hospital for a month with anorexia, and you're still not trying to get better!" Taylor cut me off. It honestly surprised me what he said, mostly because it was all true. I looked at the boys, half expecting them to defend me, but they didn't. They kept silent, looking at the ground.

I felt tears brim my eyes as I saw everyone around me, staring in horror. A single tear dropped from my eye, but, no longer was cameron there to engulf me in a hug, Aaron wasn't there to make me laugh, even when I'm sad, Sam wasn't there to hold my hand, dang, I even miss Matt.