The Hot Hockey Player

Chapter 15 - Madeline 🌸

I've been kissed before but nothing quite compares to what I'm experiencing with Jude. I thought I'd forget how to kiss considering how long it's been, but I don't. And even if I did, he's an incredible leader. He takes the lead, guiding me in this perfect rhythm and only when one of us might stop breathing, will we stop. For now, I'm just savoring it. Hands around his neck, his grip firm on my waist. My eyes are closed and I let my senses take over. And these are great. Heat and chills are now taking over my body. My mind foggy but blissful and I don't complain. What amazes me is that I could kiss him for hours without taking any break — hypothetically—, no matter how improbable that might be giving the fact that I'm anti-sport.  

I can't think about anything else but his lips on mine, his tongue trying to make its way where it seems to belongs, claiming his territory. Heat rises in me further and further and the simple thought of stopping seems like torture. Am I crazy for not wanting it to stop ? I should. But I don't give a damn. All my life, I've been trying to take other people's needs into consideration ; putting their needs first. So it might be selfish and maybe just completely stupid but... right now, kissing Jude ? It made me feel like I can finally chose me. Me and no-one else.

I can't even explain how good I feel right now. It might be the wine in my blood, heightened sensations but... I'm not drunk at all. So I guess it's just me. When we pause and when our gazes lock again, it reignited another round of kisses and a delightful dance. Everything feels perfect. His hands cupping my face feel right. My arms around his neck feel right. Us together, feel right. He's sweet in all his gestures, not being rough but so gentle. Slowly showing me his previous words into this teeny tiny action. I won't get back on my words. I truly could could kiss him non-stop, all day. And yet, he's still a stranger. Everything he says, him wanting to know me, to understand me and him simply wanting to be with me, I could accept that. I can give him a place in my heart. I've never known this kind of love, sure I had my grandparents and Matthew but at some point, I craved more. I crave more. My parents, for starters. But it's a feeling I had since I was a little girl.

Growing up and becoming a woman, I wanted to find my other half. I do believe in fairy tales and all these kind of thing : love at first sight, the butterflies in your stomach. And I wanted it for myself. At some point I wanted to have what my books' characters have : love, company, friends, trust and so much more.

What if Jude is my story ? What if Jude is my book character ? He seems to be the greenest forest, he seems to have compassion, patience and strength. I know he must have flaws; everyone does. But strangely, I want to know his, too.

Eventually, we pull back, our lips parting as we gasp for air, foreheads pressed together, catching our breath like we've just run a marathon.

"Did that kiss live up to your expectations ?" he asks me, eyes shining.

"It did. It was one of the best kisses I've ever had." I answer, meaning every word. I've no reason to lie. 

I haven't had many relationships —maybe a few boyfriends, and even then, nothing too serious and I can't even count them on all my fingers. The last one was more than two years ago. So when I tell him it's one of the best kiss I had, I'm not exaggerating. Deep down, it hurts me a bit because I know he must have had more experience, with girls and all. And I can't reproach him anything. His past is his and I wasn't in it. Still, a small part of me wonder if I'll be enough for him.

"I can see your brain fuming. A penny for your thoughts ?" We're still outside his car, students are outside but nobody bother to give us attention so it's like we're all alone.

"I— I never kissed a man like you before" I finally murmur. 

"Like me ? What do you mean ?"

"A man who makes me feel this way."

His eyes darken a bit, as if what I just tell him please him. It's desire I see in them. "Feel like what ? Maddy I need you to be clear."

"Loved, cared for, the attention you give me. All of that, I've never had it."

And not only with a boy, but I don't tell him this, he doesn't need to know how a disaster my life had been.

"And I've never met someone I feel so good with right away. You're my first too."

My heart swells with joy at his words, "Am I ?" I need to be sure of that, need to be sure he's not joking. That would be a really bad joke.

"You are. I've only met one girl but it never felt— like this."

I can tell it's a subject he doesn't want to dive into, so I don't ask for more informations even though I really really really want to know more about that previous girlfriend. I guess they stayed together for a moment, judging by how he seems a bit lost at the mention of that girl. He recovers quickly though. We walk to my door in comfortable silence, anticipation hanging between us.

Should I invite him inside ?

"Thank you again for this night. I really enjoyed being with you." Jude tells me, his eyes still shining with lust. 

"Thank you. Both for apologizing and for everything that went after..."

He smirks, knowing what I'm referring too.

"Can you specify what you're talking about ?" he teases me and I hit him playfully before rolling my eyes. He knows what I'm referring too. He only laughs and kisses me back.

I answer to the kiss and the kiss deepens, becoming something real. Our tongues want to play together. He asks for entry and I let him do whatever it is he wants to do. I'm the one to pull back this time and I ask him if he wants to come in. His answer surprises me as he declines so I step back but yet he's quick to reassure me.

He leans in close and whispers in my ear, making me shiver "I would gladly take you right away Madeline. I really want to. But... I also want this to be perfect and I want to do everything right. So please, I'm trying as hard as I can not to take things further right now. But never doubt my desire for you. Goodnight Madeline."

One last kiss and he's back in his car, leaving me with swollen red lips in front of my building's door. As I close my door, I touch my lips needing to know what happened and if I dreamed that moment. I didn't.

It happened way too fast but I want it. I don't even know the guy. Today's basically the second time I see him. Ever. Yet, this feeling is undeniable, like love at first sight. I really want it to be. I feel something for the guy since I saw a picture of him in L.U's website. I just never would have thought it would happened to me. In my mind, everything was clear : nothing was ever going to go my way. I've waited so much for happiness to knock on my door and it just came all at once : my brother, Sofia, Colin and now Jude.

I'm not saying this thing between us is going to be a real thing, I don't know where this will ho but I want to find out, because... I think we're worth taking the risk.