"Open your eyes love, Look at me" Goosebumps spread across my skin as soon as his voice hit my eardrums. I nodded negatively meanwhile his grip tortured my wrist. He's fucking strong! He's surely gonna break my wrist! Suddenly, I trembled as somethi...
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I don't know if I'm right or not. My mind is still fuzzy from the events of last night. Did it really mean anything or was my mind playing those dirty games again? I had no idea. I don't know how to stop this. But I know I can't stop this. This happened to me over fifteen years ago for the last time and it turned out to be true. I've always been afraid of sleeping for a reason. This all is confusing.
"Kya soch rahe ho, bhanje?" I glanced over to the corner and rolled my eyes. I'm mentally sick I swear to god. Talking of god, I see some handsome idiot who claims to be Narayan and he keeps telling me that I'm blessed and I'm the son of Shiv Gauri which is- bullshit. I believe I'm schizophrenic. I'm confused. I hate this confusion. UGH!
"Bhagwaan ho na? Khud dhoondh lo" I replied nonchalantly and banged my diary on the table. Why do I keep seeing him and other people as Gods? No, because they don't exist, I'm sure about it because only I could see them.
"Tum har kshan itne ukhde ukhde kyu hote ho? Koi pareshaani hai tumhe mujhse?" That guy, the so-called 'Narayan' asked.
"Aap khud hi pareshaani ho! Bataiye na, dikkat kya hai aapki? Kyu mujhe hi dikhte ho aap? Kyu sabko ye batana chahte ho ki mai pagal ho? Nahi hu bhai mai pagal par koi agar aise mujhe khaali hawa se baat karte dekh le to pagal hi samjhega"
"Parth, kal tumne swapn mein kya dekha?" Now why does he know about my dream?
"Pata nahi...tha kuch ajeeb. Bass ek baat baar baar sunayi de rahi thi. Yaad hai aapne mujhe gaon mein dhanushya chalana sikhaya. Mere dhanushya ko Gandiv ka naam diya. Aur galti se teer kisi aadmi ko lag gaya tha jisne mujhe shraap diya ki mere ghar pe kabhi betiyaan khush nahi rahengi aur agar samjho agar wo khushi bhi ho to jee nahi payengi aur agar mera khoon, meri beti janam le to...poora parivaar khatam ho jaayega. Yaad hai? Wahi baat kal baar baar sunayi de rahi thi. Aur...aur na jaane kyu mujhe wo sach laga aur maine...maine kuch dekha. Khoon, Aditi, Aru...aur kuch log. Kuch to ho raha tha yaad nahi kya par...par itna yaad hai ki usko demonstrate kar pau. Ek minute," I got up from my chair and moved towards the huge canvas. I pulled down the cloth to reveal the painting that I made a few hours ago. It was exactly what I saw in my dream.
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"Ye kya hai, Parth?" He asked.
"Wahi mai aapse pooch raha hu. Ye kya hai, Madhav? Aur sapne mein dikhi hui ladki Aru jaisi kyu thi? Ye sab ho kya raha hai? Ho sakta hai ye koi maamuli sa sapna ho par lagta nahi ki ye koi aisa waisa sapna hoga. Maine bohot kuch dekha hai par aadhi chiz mujhe yaad nahi aur jitna yaad hai wo bohot ajeeb hai...ye sab-"
"Siddharth?" I turned back to see Aditi standing there with a frown cast over her face. He vanished, didn't he? I turned back and wow. He did vanish.
"A-Aditi, hi" I don't know what else to say. This all is so weird. She walked towards me and cupped my cheeks.
"It's happening again...you're losing your mind again" She whispered sympathetically. Not sympathetic, it's pathetic. I AM NOT LOSING MY MIND I SWEAR HE WAS HERE!
"No...no it's not. I was talking to myself and I was very well aware of the fact." Lies.
"Pakka?" I nodded.
We went to the school and the day passed in blur. I couldn't focus and I had a few patients to handle. It's 3 am and I'm still in the hospital, overthinking about the stupid dream. I have to be alert. I can't trust Madhav, after all.
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"And and and you know what?! There were competitions like rangoli making sketches and quizzes about Krishna AND I WON! Aur aisa tha ki jo ladkiyon mein se jeetega she'll be Radha aur jo ladko mein se jeetega wo-" I spoke eagerly when Raashi interrupted
"Krishna. Aur tu aur tere ring wale sir ji jeete aur tum dono tumlog ke traditional jhoole par baithe tum dono ko Radha Krishna ka maan mila, right?" She replied, almost coldly and it was unusual.
"Raashi...everything alright?"
"Yeah, just tired. Could you do something for me, please?"
"Of course, darling. Tu bass bol" I smiled widely just to pale down after a second of hearing her words
"Don't ever talk to Shivam. If you do, you lose me. You have to choose between him and me. The choice is yours" My heart almost stopped beating. This wasn't her. She would never make me choose between the people I loved the most. No this has to be-
"Can you do it for me?" I gulped. Hard enough to fill my eyes with tears. I sighed, looking at the ceiling and paused for a moment before replying.
"Anything for you. If you say so." I trust her. There must be something. She won't ask me to stop talking to him without any reason. And anyway, he was just a stupid teenage love.
"Just a stupid teenage love, seriously Aru? This was all he meant for you?" My subconscious brain taunted but I ignored the voices and soon we hung up. She wasn't interested in talking tonight. I don't know why...maybe because it was three in the morning? Another thing which is bothering me is that...Aashray proposed to me today and it kind of ruined our friendship. I couldn't talk to him like before. He was my best friend since childhood but now- I just can't. I needed a distraction so here I am, in the washroom talking to Raashi sneakily. We're tired of this, to be honest. We always have to talk sneakily as if we're thieves. But the families- I just need some good sleep. But...why do I think Raashi has changed? I...I can't help but feel insecure when she is around her other friends. Would she forget me? This distance and...the communication gap...it all- it all affects us somehow...we've started fighting over silly things and it's getting toxic. Maybe it's just a phase and I'm overthinking. But this toxicity has to end. This confusion is eating me up. I feel like running into some dark hallway, the walls of confusion slowly consuming me as I run and run to the bright side but can't reach it and get smashed between the walls. It's me right now. The entire page of my diary is confusing. UGH!
