Steph's Ranting

Ranting o.o;;

I just felt like ranting today, because sometimes I feel so small and closed up. I don't feel depressed - it's just one of those moments where I need to write down my thoughts before I really do become depressed. Anyways, *clears throat*

People say "be yourself" like it's going to be easy - and then they start telling you how you should dress, how you should talk, how you should act. It's really sad, isn't it.

So that's why I encourage other people to be themselves, and I embrace them. But there's someone I don't embrace. Me. I'm afraid to be myself. I've always been afraid of having courage in myself, because some point or later, some person will think I am weird. I don't want to be weird. 

And then I also feel like one of those same old girls who's popular and is all Miss Perfect. I don't want to be perfect. I want to be different. I know it sounds weird, but I've even thought that having a disorder of some sort will make me unique. I don't feel unique. 

But then yet again sometimes it feels like it would make things better if I just run away and hide, because I'm always afraid of what people have to say. It feels like facing my fears won't make a difference, it just feels like it will always bring me down. I've even thought of running away home away from my shop when my parents start shouting at me.

I feel bad that I have ADHD, so I apologize constantly. I feel like I am a mistake sometimes. I can't help it. I have a short attention span, if my parents set me 5 things to do even then I can't handle all of that because I can only just remember one. It drives me nuts sometimes.

Thank you for listening. I wasn't really depressed, but I felt like I needed to really say that, because bottling your feelings up is never good - right?