"It's Complicated"

The First Day

As a kid I had no real sense or true knowledge of the word "love;" But, what kid does? No one truly knows what love is until they suffer heartbreak and the pain of "getting over it" and "moving on." These are all things "mature adults" must learn to do in order to get through the daily grind... We just call it life. The first day I had even a small increment, a micro-speck of an idea, of what love was, I was in the 1st grade.

I had just been transferred to Pine Street Elementary School, A rather small-ish school with trailers in the back substituting for much needed class rooms. The school sat facing Northwest and right behind us sat the high school, which faced Southwest. I remembered thinking it was a huge school when i first stepped onto the front patio of my new school. My grandmother had worked there as a kindergarten teacher, right next to my classroom.

I went through the usual things a normal transfer student would go through. I stood at the front of the class room as Ms. Mann, A medium height, slender and strong woman, who lived on a horse farm, introduced me to the class. My grandmother stood watching from the door that connected our two classrooms, smiling, waving, urging me to utter at least one word. I realized I had zoned-out. Ms.Mann starred at me with her brow raised and her hand on her hip. "Uh... um..." I bowed my head like students in Asian countries do. "M-my name is Destinee... I-I... I'm five years old... and I like.. um. Horses..." A moment of silence, that cruel silence I had quickly learned to dread had filled the room and my entire being. My classmates started laughing, of course they would. I looked frantically across the room and then towards the back for my grandmother, she was turning away smiling and shutting the door between the two rooms. I never felt more alone in my life.

Ms. Mann dismissed me to take a seat, she stated, "Take any seat you want honey." Keeping my head down i rushed to the seat farthest to the back of the class. "Tomorrow you will all have assigned seats." That was the last thing I remember of the actual class experience. The day consisted of me resting my head in the crook of my arm as I starred out the window towards the playground, even during recess. My anticipation came when the teacher announced that it was time to pack up, and that we'd be going home soon. The bell rung heartbeats later.

That may have been the worst day of my life, in my elementary mind, but I now consider it one of the best. I climbed onto bus 72, and squeezed through yelling children tossing papers and shoving each other. Eventually I made it to the back of the bus and sat in the short seat on the left. Several of my classmates were on the same bus as me. Corey, who lived just adjacent of me, sat somewhere near the front, but I ignored his greeting. "Muh-My name is D-D-D-Destinee! Hahaha!" A boy joked. "I like Whore-seas!" Another joined his teasing. Others joined as well, I stopped counting when I curled up my legs on top of my book bag and buried my face so I could cry.

"Leave her alone!" A girls voice basically screamed over the others. The children stopped, a paper ball hit me in the head, several laughed, and another girl stood to confront the one defending me.

"We don't like retards!" The children laughed louder.

"Look in a mirror, Jasmine!" I looked up then to see my heroes face. She was the same height as me. With long dirty blonde hair, almost the same length as my own. Her eyes, aquamarine and raging with a fiery passion I would never understand. The children "Oooohed" and laughed. Jasmine stepped into the aisle enraged.

"Say that to my face, twerp!" She huffed and puffed.

"I just did, bitch; And, 'twerp?' How original." She laughed as Jasmine gasped and growled pushing past her, making her way to the front to tell on her. I couldn't help but stare. She was so beautiful in that moment, and all the moments after that I couldn't even fathom the idea of looking away. She looked back into my eyes. I snapped out of it and looked back down to the tops of my soaked knees. "Are you okay?" I glanced back up. She was right beside me now, looking down at me with not even an ounce of humor in her eyes. I swear today it was more of pity than anything. I just nodded. She gestured toward the seat, "Can I sit with you?" I scooted closer to the wall as an answer. She sat next to me.

"My name is Kalin." I looked over, and she had the most genuine and beautiful smile in the world... Her heroism was the first thing I fell in love with; Her smile, was the second.