Let The Rain Fall Down

The Cold Light Of Day

I sat for hours just staring into space nothing registered apart from the pain ripping through me as the realisation that Chloe was gone kept hitting me over and over again, the house was in silence I had no idea where Beth was, I knew she had left me to look after the children and to call Dimitri at some point. I had a vague memory of her telling him what had happened and then silence had returned to the house. I was breaking from the inside out, the light to my dark was gone... no more would I see her smiling at me, there would be no more dancing in the kitchen to music as she cooked... my wife was dead.

She was gone... the light of my life was gone.... this nightmare was real.

The room was cloaked in darkness, I had no idea what time it was the only thing I could feel was the cold glass in hands I'd just kept filling it up and drinking – desperate for the vodka to have some effect, to take the pain away. I needed to stop thinking, tomorrow.... tomorrow I would have to try and explain to the three beautiful children lying asleep upstairs, Jesus I felt sick at the thought of how I told such young children that horrific news. I found myself standing, the now empty crystal glass in my hand as I looked at the wedding photo and one of Chloe and I in Venice on our first Valentines trip on the mantle piece. I stared at the two photographs, I found myself stroking the image of Chloe before my anger at the world hit me, I turned and launched the glass at the opposite wall and watched the glass explode on contact.

Looking back into the mirror, I saw the figure of someone behind me, there was my best friend, his head in his hands and his body slouched over, lifting his face to look at me I could see his skin was pale and there were tears falling down his cheeks. Dimitri.

'I don't know what to say... Jesus, Lucas I am so sorry... she can't be gone... she just can't be gone...'

I felt the tears run down my face at his words, the anger now leaving me only to be replaced with heartbreak and despair... tight arms held me as I found myself wrapped in the embrace of two people who I called friends – but who felt like they were family, Beth, Dimitri and I wept for the woman who had left our lives too soon.

'She's gone isn't she? Really gone... this isn't some horrible dream I'm trapped in? Why oh God why would someone take my love away from me? I know I've not been a good man at times but Chloe, she's.... she'd never done anything to hurt anyone. I need her, oh please tell me this isn't happening to me, to my babies... I need her please oh please let this be a lie.'

I don't know how long we stayed like that, letting out the pain we were feeling but at some point the glass was cleared away and I was left alone, I kept drinking the vodka mechanically, determined to not let myself feel anything again for the rest of the night. There was time for that tomorrow I reasoned...

* * *

The sound of voices brought me back to consciousness, my head was pounding and my eyes hurt – the empty bottle and glass were still resting by my side – a thin blanket was partially covering me, though I had no recollection of getting one from the airing cupboard upstairs. I had no recollection of anything really except that phone call, the sound of Chloe' screams and the soul destroying, desperate farewell she'd given me before the sound of metal imploding had filled my head... I looked at my phone, it was just turning seven thirty, the children would be expecting Chloe and I to be helping them get ready for school. I had to move, had to become the father and not the broken man, rubbing my face to try and clear my head a little I made my way into the bright room to be greeted with Beth and Dimitri organising breakfast for Aeryn, Caleb and Eloise who was currently wrapped around Beth' hip chewing on her dummy. After kissing my two eldest children, and taking Eloise from Beth I sat at the kitchen table, looking at my friends and children I tried to work out what I had to say, how I could tell my children what had happened...