Let The Rain Fall Down

Out Of the Mouths Of Babes

I miss you every second of my life, I need you every second of my live, I want you every second of my life - Anonymous

To walk away from him, to walk away from the man I loved, the only man I had ever loved once more broke me in two. In his pocket was the letter for Aeryn, my daughter had to be told the truth, her anger and heartbreak at the church had all but destroyed what little determination I had had to keep hidden. My eldest daughter and I had been, and I hoped would still be close but this would be so difficult for her to understand. I still knew it word for word, the page covered in smudges from my tears as I'd sat at the small table in the bleak room I slept in.

My baby girl,

How do I put this down in words?

I had to go, I had to make people believe I was dead and it broke me apart knowing that you and your brother and sister were three of the people I had to lie to as well as your Daddy. Please believe me Aeryn, I never wanted to do this.

The people who wanted to take your Daddy away from us found me too, and there was nothing anyone could do. I can see you now, you're going to be so angry because you have my temper little one and I understand I really do. I have always told you that lies were bad but now I have to be honest, sometimes and your Daddy will agree, lies are the only thing that will keep you safe.

You may not believe me, but I love you all.

I am so proud of you Aeryn, I saw you at your dance recital the other night and you looked so beautiful. I hid in the little room by the school hall and watched you move with such grace, it took all my strength not to come out and cheer for you like I have done since you first slipped your ballet shoes on.

Please baby girl, be good for your Daddy and listen to him when he tells you that I will come home - I don't know when but I will be back with you all as soon as I can.

I love you... give Caleb and Elly a kiss from Mummy and make sure Daddy gives you one and the biggest cuddle he can.

Mummy. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Would my beautiful and brave girl understand that I hadn't wanted to leave her?

Would she remember the nights I cried when I was away from Lucas, her brother and sister and her, or the times Lucas was away from us all?

We, the North family, did not like being separated for long periods of time, which in it's way was strange given the nature in particular of Lucas' job which could and often did, take him away for days and nights at a time.

Aeryn North' s POV.

Daddy didn't cry, everyone else was crying when we walked into the big church, I held onto Caleb and Nana - too afraid that if I let go, I'd lose them too. Why didn't Daddy cry? Mummy and Daddy always said that when you're sad, you cry and that tries to wash all the sadness away. The priest talked a lot about Mummy, about how nice she was and how everyone loved her and that she was a good Mummy to Caleb, Elly and I.  

The priest was telling lies.

Mummy wasn't good, she'd promised that she'd come home to us, that she would never leave us and she did.

She lied.

Daddy told me what had happened, that Mummy had had an accident, but that didn't matter to me. All I knew was she wasn't there to see me dance like she'd promised, or that she wouldn't read me The Magic Faraway Tree. I wouldn't let Daddy read it to me, it was the story Mummy told me - not him. We stood and listened to the music play, a song I had seen Mummy cry to but tell me when I asked her if she was sad, if she needed magic kisses, that she was happy. Adults, especially Mummy and Daddy, confused me.