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fermín

the group stage games against italy and albania were stressful, but not as stressful as the rest of the competition was going to be. still, officially winning all 3 of the group stage matches had the team in a delighted spirit. regardless, all the travelling between cities was tiring. 

i finished dinner, keeping to myself. i didn't feel like talking much to anyone outside of training and the games. it didn't help that i barely had a chance to see my family or sophia for a long while after games. and maybe it was a good thing because seeing my father in the stands made every win bitter thus far.

every breakfast wasn't a breeze either. every time sophia and marina would pass our table to get more food, gavi stupidly smiled and waved at her. and she happily waved back. ever since the stupid ice cream-triple date, all i can do is sit back with my arms crossed and watch my two best friends become best friends. i can't help but feel like an insecure freak. but i knew gavi's reputation. and i care about sophia's feelings more than anything in the world.

i quietly get into the elevator. this time, i make sure nobody follows me.

the elevator rises to the 39th floor- where sophia's room was. i softly knock on her door: 3904.

the door creaks open. she smiles up at me, already in her silk robe by 8pm. she did the same when i slept over for the week. old habits never die.

"hey..."

"hi," sophia opens the door wider, urging me to come in.

"i'm sorry i haven't been able to talk to you properly. it's been a while," i settle on the couch next to her made bed. i watch as she locks the door after i come in. she sits on the bed opposite me.

"games aren't gonna win themselves. you and the squad train well from what i saw."

"you watched me train?" i notice a red hue shading her cheeks- embarrassment.

"i only happened to when i was walking through the tunnel! me and marina went shopping yesterday," sophia defends herself, jumbling and stuttering a few words. i just chuckle.

"you didn't get anything for me?" she rolls her eyes at the banter.

"actually i was helping marina shop. she heard german jewelry was top tier."

"was it?" 

she nods positively, "and you? how are you doing?" i sigh thinking about how i am, how i really am. perhaps i shouldn't have because she seems to immediately notice my sulky nature.

"it's your dad, isn't it?" sophia's voice drops into a honey-like tone. perhaps it was the only medicine i needed at the moment. i nod. i don't even know if i'm ready to talk about it. but i would be lying if i said i didn't just come up to her room to feel a little comfort from the hell with the team and with my family.

"talk," she demands. i shake my head, "what am i even supposed to say?" i chuckle uncomfortable by the sudden change in topic, but her serious expression stays unfazed. this makes me break.

"fine..." i sigh again, "i don't know what gave him the audacity to show up. and what makes it even worse is that he's smiling at me after every game as if he didn't make the last 10 years of my life a living hell!"

"okay fermín, take a deep breath-" but when i get into talking about him, i can't help but release everything in me, "i mean- come on! he's acting like he's been cheering for me all these years! it's pathetic! i hate-" 

i don't realize how loud i was getting until sophia yells even harder, "fermín!" she gets up from the bed, cupping my face with her hands. i felt so under her. physically and mentally. i freeze as i look up at her.

"you don't hate him... okay? calm down honey..." her breath tingles my face. it feels like i'm in some sort of trance. i'm too shaky to let my eyes wander because if i did, i would notice how the fabric of her robe folded by her chest as she bent to reach my face. she was so close. too close.

my shoulders relax, feeling rid of the pent up anger i had built up about my father.

"maybe he finally realizes how much football really means to you, fermín-"

"he doesn't deserve it! he doesn't deserve to be here and act like he's supported me from the start. football has always meant everything to me. he knows that! but when i'm making a shit load is when he wants to come back into my life, isn't it?"

she breathes out, "nobody said you have to forgive everything he did-"

"then what am i supposed to do? forget the nights he kicked me out and hand fed my brother just because he wants to major in law! it's not fair! it never was!" my eyes never leave hers. i know she feels the way i hurt.

"nobody said it was! but doesn't it make you the bigger person if you look past it all?" i feel her slightly shake my face to get through to me.

"i don't want to be the bigger person!" i refuse.

"and how about your mom and juan, fermín? every time you walk by without sparing your dad another glance, they immediately go from celebrating to frowning, just internally begging for you and your dad to even acknowledge one another! it hurts to see! don't you care about them if not your father?!" 

well fuck...

my head snaps back in frustration and maybe a little bit of realization as she lets go of my face. her hands grip on the arm rest of the one-man sofa, still standing over me, "for them, minnie..."

i look up at sophia with the same, cold, unchanged expression. but perhaps my attitude she had gotten through, "fine."

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𝗙𝗔𝗡𝗧𝗔𝗦𝗬 - FERMÍN LÓPEZWhere stories live. Discover now