Between Us, Between Time

50. Sometimes it's Hard to understand - Saanvi

After a night filled with kisses and laughter, we strolled along the beach, the sound of the waves mingling with the soft hum of the night. The moonlight stretched ahead like a silver path, guiding our slow, unhurried steps. I leaned into Siddarth's shoulder, his arm draped around me like a shield, comforting and warm.

Our conversation wandered to movies, of all things, and I couldn't stop smiling as he animatedly talked about his favorite Harry Potter moments. His passion was contagious, and I couldn't help but tease him about it, even though I secretly adored his excitement. We bantered about his wizards and my love for darker, more intense films, occasionally breaking into laughter that echoed in the quiet night.

When we finally reached our place, we stood outside, holding hands like we didn't want the night to end. His eyes locked onto mine, filled with something so tender it made my chest ache. Gently, he took my hands and said,

"Thanks for an amazing night. I hope you'll let me return the favor someday."

The sincerity in his voice left me speechless. My throat tightened, emotions bubbling up, but all I could do was smile. He smiled back, that boyish, goofy grin of his that always managed to make me forget the world.

We hugged, a quiet, unhurried embrace that felt like it said everything we couldn't put into words. As I turned to leave, I glanced back one last time. He stood there, his face radiant with joy, his eyes fixed on me like I was the only thing in the world that mattered.

When I closed the door, everything hit me all at once. The night, the kiss, his touch, it all came flooding back, overwhelming me with emotions I couldn't contain. I sat on the bed, tears spilling out without warning. I didn't know if I was crying from happiness or something darker. Maybe it was both.

The magic of the night had faded, and I felt the familiar weight creeping back in, the fight inside my head that never really stopped. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, letting the tears come. I was so tired of pretending, of holding myself together for everyone else. It felt like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape myself.

I tried to cling to the memory of our kiss, the only moment where I'd felt free, unburdened by everything inside me. But even that started slipping away, the darkness in my mind clawing its way back, louder and heavier than before.

I paced the room, trying to outrun the thoughts. They came anyway, relentless and sharp, dragging me into places I didn't want to go. I stood by the window, letting the cold night breeze wash over me, a brief reprieve that faded too quickly. The ache in my chest grew unbearable, and I realized I couldn't stay here.

I stepped out, the quiet of the night wrapping around me like a shroud. I walked aimlessly, my feet carrying me far from the familiar streets. The world felt hollow and distant, the occasional sound of a passing car or faint music from a distant party reminding me that life went on, even as I felt like I was unraveling.

Eventually, the streets grew empty, the shops closed, the town asleep. A police patrol stopped me, their questions routine but jarring in the quiet. I answered mechanically, assuring them I was fine and heading home soon. They warned me about the dangers of being out this late, their concern genuine but distant, like a scripted line they'd said a hundred times before.

When they left, I felt even more untethered, like I didn't belong in the world I was wandering through. I found a small hotel, the kind of place no one asks too many questions, and booked a room.

Inside, I collapsed onto the bed, the silence pressing down on me. My mind turned against me the moment I closed my eyes. It dragged me through every dark memory, every failure, every scar I'd tried so hard to bury. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't escape it.

It felt like my own mind was punishing me, showing me nothing but pain, holding me down when all I wanted was to break free. I wanted to scream, to cry, to do something to let it out, but the weight was crushing. I lay there, suffocating under the burden of my thoughts, struggling to find air in the emptiness.