Teen Titans: The Eternal vs. Mortal Love Story - Book One

Chapter 40

I couldn't hate him for what he thought of me, that's one thing I've realized within the past few days. I've gotten myself into this mess, and I'm the one who chose to be a vampire. I'm the one who decided to keep living, even if it meant I would change in the process.

Could I hate him for thinking the things he thought of me? No, I honestly couldn't. 

I wanted to rewind the night I had that vision, and let my concentration break. I wanted to forget I ever heard those words in my vision.

Honestly, I wanted Robin and I to be closer than ever, not distancing further and further apart. 

We're not close anymore. That's a fact. 

There was more difficulty with each passing day to keep hold of my own emotions. I felt that shutting off whatever humanity I had with me was necessary to cope at this point, but I held on just enough. 

I'm running into dead ends from every direction.

I sighed as I watched the very early sunrise at my usual spot on the roof of Titans' Tower.

This was my temporary moment of peace. Sunrise and sunset, my moment of peace, twice in a day that I could sit here and just let my mind focus on the sun and everything in the horizon rather than everything I have waiting for me. All thanks to this little ring on my hand.

Since the night Robin and I had our dispute, I've found it extremely difficult to cry. No matter how much I felt that it could help me wash away the pain inside, I couldn't do it. 

I've put up walls I never thought I could build so strongly and high up inside myself. The old me is more than likely gone. Maybe I really am dead this time from the inside, too. 

The roof's door opened, and the all too familiar footsteps stalked towards me, and stopped right behind me, expecting me to turn around.

"You're up early," I commented, remembering to add a slight optimistic tone to keep up with the charade. 

"I knew you'd be up here. I was wondering if we could talk?" Robin asked, sitting next to me. I created some space as I stared into the ocean. From my peripherals caught his facial expression, which was contorted into one of hurt and surprise. He was trying to get a reaction out of me and was already frustrated, knowing my walls were up and intact. 

"We're talking right now," I said, shrugging lightly, "What's up?"

"You know what I mean, Amber." 

I sighed, out loud, almost turning to look at him, "As far as my team alias goes, I'm Sparrow. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"Sparrow isn't who you really are."

"Neither is Robin, Richard. Sparrow is who I choose to be."

"How'd you know about that!? Nevermind, forget about that. Look, I'm here to talk, and apologize."

I didn't know what to say, really. I've decided I wasn't exactly up to talk at the moment, as much as I knew it would help.

"What on Earth do you have to apologize for? There's nothing to be sorry for." 

"Yes, there is, Amber, I mean Sparrow. There's a lot I should be sorry for."

"Sorry for having opinions about one of your teammates? Who cares?"

"I care. I care about you and I hurt you the other night. I'm trying to make it right."

I sighed, and looked straight into his masked eyes, "I'm aware. Don't worry about it. As far as I'm concerned you're free to think whatever it is that you want. I'm not good enough for you Robin, and that's something I can deal with alone. You're off the hook, I can do this on my own."

Listening in to Robin's heartbeat, I heard its quick beating.

"Sparrow just hear me-"

I scoffed, rolling my eyes, and stood up, backing up a few steps from the roof's edge. I'm tired of this. I just need my space. We need space.

"Sparrow, what are you doing? Amber, don't do it! Don't-"

I used my vampire speed to run forward and jump off the roof. Robin being incredibly paranoid, screamed for me as I was free falling the long way down. He thought I'd fall on the hard, rocky ground.

The cold, ocean water welcomed me with open arms as I plunged under the surface, feeling the sharpness of the crisp, cold sea tackle me from every crevice and part of my body.

(Robin's POV)

What did I just do?

Everything was nearly perfect when she came home. But we seemed to grow further and further apart from each other. I knew I still cared for her, but what she is...could I still care about her even if she's a vampire?

Of course you can! Who's the one who helped her consume human blood without going out of control? You!

 Kill her. She's not the same human girl you cared about. Use the element of surprise and stake her in the heart so she's at peace. She's a monster!

No. Amber is still the same person. Maybe a lot stronger, a lot less tame, but she's still the same girl. She's still my girl.

I was so confused to the point where I wasn't sure whether I wanted to be with her or not. I didn't know what I wanted. But I knew I'd hurt her. I'd hurt Amber so badly. I need time. We need time. We need time apart to figure all of this out.

I could see right through her. She's hurting and trying to cover it up by pretending to brush off my accidental thoughts of her. 

She's not the only one who's hurting over all of this.

(Sparrow's POV)

I didn't bother to swim, didn't even bother to keep my legs kicking to bring me to the surface.

All I did, was let myself sink towards the bottom and let the numbness wash over me.

That's partly what I wanted. I was feeling too much pain inside, and for my body to numb from the outside was golden. I had something to distract me briefly. Now I just need to see how long I can survive beneath the surface.

He cares about you. You should know that.

Silly girl. He doesn't care about you now. He just wants a silly little human girl to fulfill his desires. He thinks he can fix you.

I sighed, not caring that I let out a few air bubbles. The emotionless part of me didn't agree. It's a war.

Deep down he really does care about you whether you're human, or vampire. He cares.

He doesn't care. He's disgusted with you. You're a monster.

You have to fight for what you want. Robin is what you want.

You're a monster. Like every other monster, he hates you.

As my mind battled against me, I just let myself sink even deeper. Whatever air I had wasn't even necessary. If I died by water I'd come back.

I let the bubbles go, and closed my eyes as my body sank lower, and lower, and lower, sending me down into the darker depths of the sea, where I felt every part of me go quiet and completely numb as the deeper depths of the sea's icy temperatures took over.