Explaining Peace

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Right before Chester and I were getting ready to leave, Cody called Chester back inside to do something, so I stood out on the sidewalk that lead to the front door and waited for him. The air was still warm but I could feel the slight bite behind the breeze that occasionally swept through.

The door behind me opened, and shut, and without turning around I said, "Ready to go?"

"Actually," a voice that was not Chester's said from behind me, "I'm not going with you, although I'd like to. I thought maybe we could chat," Beck said as he walked in front of me.

I bit my lip and nodded, "Okay?"

"I'm really not gay, you know this right?" his eyes begged me to believe him.

I cracked a smile and took a few steps back and leaned against the door frame, "I admit I had a moment of panic when I thought you were, but I know that you aren't. Chester was just teasing you," I said, looking at the toes of my combat boots.

Beck shifted in front of me, and crossed his arms. I risked a glance up only to catch him grinning down at me, "You were worried about me being gay?" he uncrossed his arms and put one on the door frame above my head, looking down at me with mischief in his blue eyes, "Why's that?"

I swallowed, searching for the answer, and not coming up with anything solid. My thoughts were a mess, and so I decided to deflect, my eyes lowering to something I had noticed before but never really paid attention to. It wasn't hard to not look at though, as it was usually hidden underneath his clothes.

"That's a neat necklace," I said, focusing in on it. The black cord hung neatly on his neck, a green stone looking thing hung off of it, and as took in the details, it seemed like there was a childlike drawing of a sun on it, where the cord attached, "where'd you get it?"

Beck stiffened before the hand not against the door frame drifted up to touch the smooth pendant, "My mother," he said, looking down at it as he drew it away from his chest, he flipped it around so that he could see the sun drawing, which exposed the foreign words to me.

"Is that Japanese?" I asked out loud, and then felt my cheeks heat up for intruding in on his personal business in the first place.

Beck looked away from the necklace, to me, and seemed to study me. He looked deep in thought, and his eyes left me feeling like I couldn't move. After what felt like forever, he blinked, and whatever he had been thinking about, had been decided.

"Here, let's sit and I'll tell you all about it," he said, as he moved and sat on the grass in the front yard.

There it was, another choice I could make for myself. I had been given plenty of choices recently, but this one felt like a test more than a choice. I could sit here with Beck and listen to him talk about his past, or I could say no, and run off with Chester, and say no to getting to know this wonderful person even better.

I didn't really even have to think about it, and as I settled into the grass next to him, I heard the slight crinkle of the chocolate bar in my back pocket.

"What's that?"

I shook my head as I pulled it out, my cheeks felt hot and I kept my eyes on the wrapper, "Something I've been saving," I murmured, and then looked up at him, he was watching me, "do.. do you want some?"

He shook his head, and leaned back on his hands, "No, I can't. You're saving it, you should save it."

I smiled, "We're never promised tomorrow," I said, and opened up the chocolate before he could protest. As I said the words, I realized just how true they were. It was silly to save the chocolate bar, when at any moment I could die. There was no guaranteed future. Something about the realization nagged at me and made me feel something I couldn't quite place, so I shrugged it off and shoved the feeling to the back of my mind.

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