Submerged

Now

     I pulled myself off the leather couch and reached for New Moon. It was one of my favorite books, it symbolized basically my whole insane life. I settled back into the couch and flipped to a few of my favorite passages. It was somewhat soothing, as long as I didn't try to understand why the book always helped me so much today. I settled into the comforting black cushions and tried to lose myself in a world were I didn't belong. After a few moments the phone  rang, and rang and rang. I stayed on the couch, I rarely answered the phone. Also it was a house phone half way across my house and I didn't want to get up.

     The annoying ringing finally stopped and I smiled in satisfaction. Until I heard it ring again. It kept ringing and finally with a roll of my eyes, I slowly got up. I sat the book down and traipsed down the bare hallway. I had always said I was going to hang up some pictures but I had never gotten around to it. I reached the phone and scooped it off the table. I pushed the button and slowly brought it to my ear. 

" Hello?"I said uncertainly. I waited for about half a second and then I heard a voice that was practically nonexistent in this life.

" OH MY GOSH, BECCA!" I cringed and for the first time in a few years I let out a huge grin. 

"Nani!" I squealed to my best friend.

      I had shut her off after Patrick- I stopped dead in my tracks. Mentioning his name was not allowed. I didn't want to think about how his perfect dark hair cascaded to above his soft brown eyes. I didn't want to think about how he would always leave me notes in the morning in my coffee mug, in my robe and sometimes around my hairbrush. I didn't want to think about how I basically caused his death. I started to really think about him and the built up pain caused me to slowly sink to the ground. Tears ran down my face and I started to gulp for air. 

" Rebecca, breath," Nani's feathery voice commanded. I shook my head and tried to steady my heart rate.

" It's all my fault,"I cried hysterically. This was an old thought, but each time it hit me it always stirred up old feelings and memories.

"No it's not," Nani said calmly."There was nothing you could have done about it."

" I should've realized what was going on, I could've took him to counseling, I could've been there for him!" My voice grew louder and louder until I was shouting.

"No one could have helped him," she said indifferently." Its not your fault. You loved Patrick, just like the rest of us," at this her voice caught in her throat."We all loved him and we all miss him. But blaming yourself will not bring him back!" Her harsh tone stung a little, but It made me feel a tiny bit better.

"Okay, Nani,"I said weakly.

"I know what you need!" she said enthusiastically. I thought about joking but I couldn't make the words leave my mouth.

"You should come to the club with me!" I shook my head. Did she know what day it was?

"Come on it will be so much fun!"she pleaded." I'm going to The Vault, and they just opened-"

"Nani do you have any idea what day it is?"I demanded impatiently. 

"Its September 21st," I waited for her to understand what that meant.

"I know, Becca."She replied carelessly.

"No, obviously you don't! 'Cause if you did you would realize what this day means for me, and you would understand why I cant go out!"I sat there fuming, mad at her for not understanding.

"Becca, I know what day it is! That's why i'm calling you! You need to get out of the house. You've been in solitary confinement for 6 years! 6 years, Becca!" Now I sat shocked. She was mad at me?!

"I'll be there in an hour, and ready or not, you will come with me tonight. You were 18 then. You're 24 now. Grow up," with that sweet message she hung up. I stared at the phone for a minute before getting up to go get ready. It's best not to make Nani mad.