Drives Under Nightlights

Final Stop

The only one thing my mom left for me was her words: "Never be a reason for someone's tears." Mama Mayla told me the same.

Even though the head nod, I couldn't understand it because actually being a jerkhead, or whatever God-knows they were talking about had never been in my mind. Alone, Mama Mayla had raised me good enough to be responsible person. I don't have a reason for someone's misery. And I lived by that narrative. Not because I value my late mom, but I just don't think I should be.

"Dahil sa'yo iniwan niya ako!" singhal ni Divine sa akin. Her tears pooled in her livid eyes and she wiped them.

I caressed my stinging right cheek. I think she slapped the wrong person. Assholes smile fake commitment everywhere, and I can't remember the last time my lips curled up into one, because I've never been one. Ako naman itong palaging hindi mapakali dahil sa kantyaw ng ibang babae. They'd said I wasn't being 'man' enough.

As I asked her the reason, she slapped me once more and said that her partner, a lesbian, got a thing on me and decided to break up with her.

"Ano bang nagustuhan niya sa'yo eh mukha kang tatanga-tanga, huh?"

Bakit naging kasalanan ko ang desisyon ng ibang tao? "Sorry." I don't want to be caught up on this mess and I couldn't think of anything for excuse. Sorry was everything I could offer.

I thought my apology was enough to cool this argument down, but for her, it wasn't. She compelled me into finishing her tasks, as a way to repay her.

The passing bird said something's not fair. Hesitation tinged my gut, but I still agreed.

"By deadline dapat nasa kamay ko na ang mga iyan. Makakatikim ka sa 'kin 'pag binigo mo ako," she glared at me, then she walked away.

I was left with my swollen cheeks and the task she enforced to me. As much as possible, I don't ever want to be on bad terms with anyone. So, perhaps better if I get this done and get over with. Mawawala rin ang atraso ko sa kanya. Either way, I felt being partly responsible.

"Oh, anyare d'yan sa pisngi mo?" asked Greg.

"Nothing." I dropped on the wooden bench and pulled out a highlighter. He narrowed his eyes. "Wala sabi," diin ko pa.

Three tasks were given to me. It wasn't simple as I thought it was. I'd had a hard time figuring out what to input in my paper, reason why partaking hers having greater difficulty wasn't a question. I asked Greg for ideas but he was occupied by formulas. I gazed around, then my blockmates' gossips convinced me I can't ask help from them.

Napabuntonghininga ako.

Staring at the three-bulleted list while thinking this isn't my job was a torture. One more thing, I'm not the smart-type of nerd. Sipag lang sa pag-aaral ang nakararaos sa akin. I'm not all-around person to do other people's task either. Surely, I'd screw this up, and that would essentially make things worse. What a hellhole to be in.

I lazily dropped on the bed. I need help. Other than I have things to finish, I can't do this myself nor can I even begin. Kailangan ko ng ibang taong makakasagot nito. Iyong matalino. O kahit hindi na. Basta matulungan lang ako. Pero ang tanong, saan naman kaya ako makakahanap ng ganoon? Greg's the only close friend I have. And there's no way he can help me, his existence utters nuisance itself.

The following day, my question was answered. I saw Hyena's friend referring somebody's assignment to her. Even her lifestyle haven't changed, she still commission on academics.

Pwede na. Pwedeng-pwede na. Sa kanya na lang ako magpapatulong.

I approached her on the study station after gazillion of times struggling internally with my courage.