Adoption Adaptation

Philophobia-42

     It's been 5 more months since Zayn told everyone he's leaving. He's stopped calling, he's stopped texting, and now there's just the arguments on Twitter, and everything else going on with him. He shaved his head, and doesn't have allot of hair anymore. Kind of funny to see him like that. I still can't believe he's gone. He's really actually gone.

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After Blake left that message, I couldn't sleep. I'm just waiting for him to show up. How do I feel about this? Last time I saw him, we kissed. Do I just forget that? What's going on inside of me?

I fell asleep in first period, but Jason kept waking me up. In second period, Laykin had to keep pinching me so I didn't pass out. It is now third block, Chelsea and I were supposed to be in study hall, but we "had to help the art teacher" and are now just wondering the halls.

"So as I was saying yesterday about us becoming popular, I think I've found out who's popular and who we should become friends with. At lunch yesterday Brooke, Laykin, and I sat with these guys who invited us to sit with them. One was totally hitting on Brooke but she is so awkward, I don't even think she could understand what was going on," Chelsea rambled on.

All I could think about was how much fun they have without me at lunch. How Chelsea calls Brooklyn, 'Brooke.' Maybe she's only letting them call her that because they sit together at lunch. While we walked, I would jump at every little sound, hoping it wasn't Blake.

The rest of my day went by fairly fast. The teachers actually began to give us homework. Jason and I were partners in home education because the rest of the kids in that class were complete slobs. I invited Laykin over after school, so if Blake did show up, I wouldn't have to be alone. While Laykin and I waited to be taken home by whichever felt like getting us, I decided to check my Twitter feed. There's some stupid new rumour about how I've been seen at a club, which makes total sense because I'm fifteen.

"Kay, Louis is here," she says tapping my shoulder. I nod my head, and we headed for the car. I would be lying if I told you I wasn't scared to go home, because Blake may be waiting for me to show up. After we got home, as Laykin and I made it into my room, I looked around to make sure he wasn't there.

"Uh, El, are you okay? What are you looking for?" She sounds concerned.

"What? Me, no! I'm fine. Totally fine. Not looking for anything," I say as I'm currently looking for something.

"Has anyone ever told you that you suck at lying?"

"Yes actually they have," I shrug.

"What's up? I'm your best friend, so tell me," she insisted.

"Alright, but if I tell you then you can't tell anyone," I sat next to Laykin on my bed. Instead of explaining it to her, I just pulled out my phone and played it to her.

"Oh my god," she says after it finishes, "When did you get this?"

"Last night."

"That's why you haven't slept! Do you even want to see him?"

"Honestly, I'm not even sure. We kind of had a weird relationship when he left, and I have no idea where we should start now. Plus it should be so awkward." I answered.

"Why would it be awkward?" She says out of confusion.

"The last time we saw each other, we kissed."

"You what? That's not important. Okay, let me think. Did you call him back?"

"No, I've had no contact with him since he left. Even unfollowed him on Twitter so I couldn't see any of his posts. He has sent me a letter over a week back, I haven't opened it."

"Where is it?" She looks around.

"The letter? Oh, in my dresser," I pointed.

Before I could stop her, she had already started searched my draws. She already had it in her hands before I got my mouth open to protest. "I'm going to read it," she started opening it.

"No don't!" I almost yelled.

"Why? Don't you want to know what it says?"

"Not really."

"Well I do," she tore it open, and began to unfold it. I really want to know what he said, but then again, I don't want to.

"I think you need to read this," she tilted the paper towards me. The first like was hand written of the words Dear Kay, I swear I felt my heart tug a little.

"I don't think I can do this," I put the letter down on my bed.

She picked it up, "Read it, El," she pushed the paper in my face. I took it from her, then hesitated.

Dear Kayley,
Hi, it's me, Blake. I guess I'm not so sure what to say here. Everytime I try to contact you, there is no reply. I really need you to answer. Is this because I kissed you? Because as much as I want to, I don't regret it (at all). Well I guess I'll tell you about life here in the US. It's almost exactly the same, except everyone has an accent. I live in an all boys home. They don't tell us be we all know it's for, "troubled boys." Me and some others are planning to break out of here. They say they know someone who can get me at to the UK I'm going to see you. I miss you so much
Blake

"Are you done reading? God, you're such a slow reader!" Laykin complains as she pulls the paper away.
"Well?" She stretched.

"Well what?"

"Thoughts?!"

"He's stupid for coming out here. I want nothing to do with him," I stated.

"Why? He's only been nice to you, nothing else! Why are you making yourself so angry with him over nothing?!" She grunted.

"It's just, he's seen me at my worst. My lowest point in life. When we were homeless together, I was not myself. I was a dirty, mopey teenager, but now I'm not. I'm afraid that once he gets here, he's going to meet the new me, and it isn't going to be what he expects. He'll hate me, then leave me."

"But he loves you! I mean, he may not say it but obviously he does! He's ran away all the way from The United Fucking States to see you! Just because you're different, doesn't mean the way he thinks of you will change. He knows who you are in here," she poked the area of where my heart is, "He obviously loves you for you, but you're just too stupid to see that."

I literally have no words for her. He loves me? There are millions of people in the world, and he loves me? I don't think I can handle this. I don't even want to begin to think about it. It's all too much. I don't want to even think about any of this, or begin to deal with it. I just want to just let everything happen on its own. I just don't care anymore. It's whatever. I'm scared of getting hurt.