Heart Strings

halfway ;

my heartstrings are tripping over each other with every beat, and it feels like your name is etched on every nook and cranny of my mind. the air between us is thin and light but it feels heavy as lead and thick as twine. i just have to twitch my hand to touch yours, but the fear bubbling through my chest seems like a granite wall between us and i'm sorry i'm such a coward and i'm sorry i'm cowering in a corner with fear and i'm sorry that i want nothing more than to not be scared.

your eyes are almond shaped and i've always thought they were unique, but do you have any idea how beautiful those twin orbs are when sunlight strikes them through your lashes? it's enough to drive me insane. i could watch you for hours and days and years, hell, i could do it till the end of eternity, and i would do it even after that. the way you smugly smile after i've accepted defeat and the exasperation in your voice when i don't get a joke even after you've explained it to me, it sounds silly but i live for those moments. those moments, the ones where your soul is exposed and your words are raw and the truth comes flooding out through your lips as if a dam has broken inside your throat. those moments where i do the same and you're there, you're always there, telling me everything i need to hear, telling me it will be okay, telling me that one day i'll leave the past behind, start a new chapter and fly away, telling me you'd always be there when i need you. always.

but right now, you're sitting right next to me, and your knee is almost scraping mine and i feel your breath on my cheek, and your hand is right there with all the thin blue veins i've dreamed of kissing so many times, but this wall between us won't let me touch you, won't let me do this simple little thing that i've wanted to do forever. and i'm praying to god that you hear my mind screaming for you to do what i can't, and i'm praying to god you'll fill the spaces between my fingers with yours, and i'm praying to god to find the courage to tell you that maybe, maybe, i finally have found what love is, and it's you. it's you.

i'm praying to god for all these things, and you look at me with your almond shaped eyes, and the sunlight bounces off from your pupils through your lashes and my mind screams your name so loudly it almost splinters my soul, and dear god. dear god, i am drowning in you and i wonder if you know what you do to me.

these are the thoughts rushing through my mind, while my heartstrings trip over each other with every beat.

— (you touched my soul but not my body and asked me what i was thinking), s.m.