The Confusion

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I close the door to the bathroom,locking it. The last three minutes play in my head over and over again and I'm still trying to catch my breath. I turn on the lights and look in the mirror,and run a hand through my long curly brown hair. My face is a little red and my eyes too. I didn't even realize that I'd started crying. Who was that girl and how does she know Stiles? Why the hell did Stiles kiss me,does he know that I like him? The way I kissed him back..if he didn't know before,he does now. I try to keep my tears back but it doesn't work. I feel so confused,hurt and emotional. Did he just kiss me to make that girl jealous? That's not the Stiles I know. Or does this mean that Stiles likes me too? That's not my luck,and the way he looked at that girl...What does this mean to our friendship,will things be weird now or is he going to explain it to me tomorrow and things will be normal? I'm probably going to tell him how I feel about him now,I think I have to. If he was trying to convince that girl that we are dating,it sure as hell didn't work,only if she's stupid. Because the way we both reacted to that kiss was not the way a normal dating couple would react to a simple kiss. But it wasn't a simple kiss either. Plus,it was really obvious that he was only trying to get that girl jealous. Or was it? He's so freaking stupid for kissing me,stupid stupid stupid. I enjoyed it tho. I drag myself into the bathtub and sit inside,leaning my head against the wall. I touch my lips,remembering the amazing feeling that I felt while his lips touched mine. I hate him. I like him but hate him,I don't know.

I leave the party soon after my crying moment in the bathroom,glad that I didn't see Stiles on the way. I call Scott and tell him about leaving and that he and Allison can find Stiles probably from inside. Scott's asks me why I left so soon and the last thing I wanna do right now is tell Scott about the kiss, so I just say that I'm tired and the party was lame,although the party seemed like a good one. I walk a few miles until I get tired of walking and just want to go home. So I call my mom to pick me up. It takes a few seconds before she answers the phone. "Hi Rose." "Hey Mom." "Is everything okay?" Her voice so soft and caring that all of the sudden all my emotions I was trying to hide come back to the surface. "No. Can you pick me up?" My voice cracks a little and a tear falls down my cheek,I quickly swipe it away with my hand. Why am I crying? I hate myself. "Oh honey,where are you? I'm coming right away." "I'm near the school,I can walk there and you can pick me up at the parking lot?" "Of course. I'll see you in a few minutes." "Thanks,bye." "Bye." And then we hang up. 

Our school is pretty big,as is the city. It's grown quite a lot since I was little. I walk towards the school,holding my phone in my hand so it's ready if I need to call 911. I've always been afraid of the dark,but my fear is a hell lot of bigger now after all the things we've been through. I can never know if some newborn beta werewolf is running in the woods,trying control their shape shifting but failing miserably,and also failing to stay in the woods and accidentally gets lost in the city. 911 won't help me in that case but it feels safer. I don't know. I arrive to the school and find our car in the parking lot. 

When I get inside the car,Mom turns the music so quiet that you can barely hear any music,then she looks at me,worry in her eyes. "Do you want to tell me what happened? I thought you'd be at the party at least until midnight." I don't know if I should tell her. I mean,she doesn't even know that I've liked Stiles in that way for at least two months now. I haven't told about any of my feelings for him to her. But I'm despaired to tell someone. "Okay,so I know this is probably going to sound weird, but I've had a huge crush on Stiles for the past two months now." Mom looks a little surprised but then smiles. "Honey,it doesn't sound weird at all. I think I've know for a least a month now." Now I'm surprised. I stare at her,wide eyed. "What?! How? Is it that obvious? I thought that I've been hiding it so well! Who else knows?" She laughs at my reaction and says "I see the way you look at him,it's changed. Anyone who pays attention can see it." Oh my God,does Scott know? I don't think so..He's pretty oblivious about these things. "Holy Cheese." is all I can say. Mom starts the car and we leave the parking lot. After about two minutes I can finally tell more. "So,we are at the party. It's only me and Stiles. He's looking for someone,later I see that it's a girl. They stare at each other and then Stiles kisses me,I kiss him back. It happened so fast, but still really slowly." I look at my mom and say "Then he just left without even looking at me,or the other girl. I think he was trying to make the girl jealous,I've never even seen her before." I pause for a moment and then continue "It's all so confusing. I don't know why he kissed me,I don't know why he just left. I don't know!" I let out a frustrated scream. Mom puts her other hand on my shoulder "That's a pretty weird thing to do,just kiss one of your best friends,out of nowhere. I understand that you are confused. Such a random thing to do. You need to ask him about it the next time you see him,maybe tomorrow." I feel like punching a wall. "Yeah,I know right. I don't know if I'll see him tomorrow tho,it's a Saturday. And it was really random. It must have looked kind of stupid even. He's so weird." Mom lets out a small laugh and quickly kisses my head. "I think he knows that I have feelings for him now. I'm afraid I'll lose him Mom." I rest my head against her shoulder and feel another tear fall down my cheek. She sighs and says "You won't lose him,honey. Things have a way of working out. You'd be perfect together,I ship you so hard." I laugh "You ship us? I've taught you well. SO proud of you for using that word,Mom." Then we both laugh.

After we get home,I eat quickly and then rush upstairs to the bathroom to take a long shower. I've put on music so I can sing while in the shower,but then I forget to actually sing because my thoughts are in the kiss and everything that happened. I sink to the floor and mumble a few words from the Ed Sheeran song that's playing in the background. Why do I have to like Stiles so much? Why did I ever start to get these feelings. I wish they'd stop,but then again,I don't.

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