Painting Flowers / m.clifford

chapter three

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I was living the dream.

Not so much living it, more like just dreaming it.

I dreamt of myself living the dream, in which that living was the dream itself.. I don't know if that made any sense.

But this was all make believe, and it made me sad honestly realizing this was all in my head and I would have to get back sooner or later, go back to my normal life.. Marry a guy I barely even see as a friend. Yeah, sure I'd get money, lots, if I actually agreed with my parents to get the job, and marry him but hell, I wouldn't be happy. And lately, all I've been was broken and lost.

"Riley?"

"Yeah?" I sighed, looking down in shame once I realized I was crying. A warm tear left my eyes, streaming down my face as I then buried my face in my hands, breaking down into sobs.

"Why are you crying?" Michael asked. "Come on, we're on a ferris wheel. We're like on top of the world right now!" He exclaimed. "Isn't that just the most exciting thing ever?"

I laughed faintly, nodding as I wiped my tears away. The heavy feeling in my heart was clearly not helping, knowing I was holding the rest of my tears back.

"Riley?" Michael quietly spoke, still waiting for my answer.

"I just.. I really don't want to be me, right now." My voice shakes as I attempt to speak the words. Only more tears came, as I stared out at the pretty view of colorful, lively lights filling the amusement park. "I don't want to go back, I don't want to wake up."

"Then don't." His eyes softened.

"It isn't that easy."

"It's so easy." He tells me, beaming in an attempt to cheer me up. "All you've gotta do is think for yourself, not your mum, not the stupid prick you're supposed to marry. Think about yourself."

"Well, I'm absolutely fucked. I can't do anything about my life, because it's held in their hands. Not mine." I murmured softly, staring down at my finger tips.

"But that's the thing, would you look at yourself right now?"

I stare at him questioningly, his lips curled up in a hopeful smile.

"You're taking control now, aren't you? If you can do that here, in your own mind.. All you've gotta do is do it in reality too."

"I guess so. But it still isn't easy. I still have no idea if you're real. Well, you're obviously not real but you feel real. You seem real." I went on.

"I told you--"

"You aren't my boyfriend goals."

Apparently, I already knew what he'd say, I didn't really know if it was because this was my mind? Or it just naturally happened, but it was unexplainable.

I was clearly lying, though. He was.. He was so handsome, rugged somehow. He was a breathtaking sight really, and he was such a fascinating person. I've learned that through.. I don't know how long now.

I couldn't even keep track of time, seeing we had sat in this ferris wheel taking in the view and talking about the most randomest things.

"Do you think there's a clock anywhere?" I asked him randomly and he chuckled at my random question.

"Yeah, I think so.'' He tells me.

"Okay, because it's driving me crazy, I don't even know what time of the day it is and here I am in Disneyland, with a boy who can't even dye his hair right."