If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn (Kellin Quinn Fanfic)

Disasterology

Chapter-16: Disasterology

*Jeydon's POV*

Jayde has been in her room all day. Blasting music. The last time anyone talked to her was this morning. I'm freaking out. No one has checked on her, seriously? She has a history of self-harming. Dumbasses. It's only Jayde, Kellin and I. Mariah and Damon went out shopping with Damon's mom.

"Hey man, I'll be back, I'm just going to check on Jayde. I'm worrying about her," I said to Kellin. He looked up from his phone. "Good idea man, I would've, but I haven't been there the past couple of years and I haven't been there for her and I feel like shit for it but I don't want her to hate me," he replied. I nodded my head, signaling that I understood.

I walked up the stairs and I could hear her music clearly. She was blasting her 'Seriously, Just Fuck It' playlist. It consisted of Pierce The Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, Falling In Reverse, The Used, and Silverstein. The song that was playing now was Disasterology by Pierce The Veil.

I hesitated at her door, debating on whether to knock or just walk in. I decided on just walk in because if I knocked there is a pretty high chance she wouldn't of heard me anyway. I pushed open her bedroom door to find her sitting on the floor, her knees to her chest, tears streaming down her face and her eyes glaring at a razor blade. She was contemplating cutting. I mentally happy danced that I came to check on her before she did anything stupid. Or did she already?

I turned the music down and kneeled in front of her. "Jayde, look at me," I said. She seemed to snap out of her trance as her eyes met mine. "What's going through your head right now?" I asked. She drew in a shaky breath. "I'm a fuck up. I can't do anything right. I'm fat. I'm ugly. I'm disgusting. I'm worthless. Nothing I ever do is good enough for anyone. Everything is my fault," she snapped. Her eyes flickering back to the razor blade.

I unwrapped her arms from her knees and examined her wrists. Clear. "Stand up," I growled. Just because he wrists are cleaned doesn't mean her stomach or thighs are. "Why the fuck should I stand up for?" She snapped, once again. She was refusing to stand up so I pulled her up. She settled on glaring at me.

"Lift up your shirt, now!" I yelled. She flinched but didn't move. I yanked up her shirt. "What the fuck Jeydon?! Don't you trust me?!" She screamed. The demon inside of me began boiling with anger. Trust her? When she's like this? Hell no! She's promised me she wouldn't cut before, and then she has. My trust for her in a situation like this is non-existent. Her stomach was clear. Her thighs. "Strip." I demanded. Her eyes widened in horror.

"I WILL NOT! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T FUCKING TRUST ME! WE HAE BEEN BEST FRIENDS FOR YEARS! AND YOU ARE NOT TRUSTING ME? WHAT ABOUT THAT TIME YOU CHEATED ON ME JEYDON? YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT? YOU'RE WRONG! I SAW YOU WITH THAT BLONDE BIMBO!" She screamed. Shit, I was drunk. I didn't know any better. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. The anxiety was soon replace by anger as I remembered what started this whole mess. I pulled her close to me by her belt loops, she started hitting me and tried to get away. I unbuttoned her pants and pulled them to her just above her knees. Her thighs were clear too. I should've trusted her. She had more self-control than I thought. I felt like a douche. By now, her eyes were like waterfalls. I pulled her pants back up.

"Jayde, I'm sorry. I just thought that you would have cut to release all your stress. I love you and I should have trusted you, I'm sorry," I said as I tried to kiss her. She pushed me away, her eyes narrowed and went black.

"YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN COME INTO MY ROOM AND START SCREAMING AT ME AND ACCUSING ME OF SHIT I DIDN'T DO?!?! YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY! YOU CAME IN HERE AND STARTED TAKING OFF MY CLOTHES CHECKING TO SEE IF I FUCKING CUT MYSELF AND THEN YOU TRY TO APOLOGIZE BECAUSE I HAVE NO CUTS?," she screamed. I am terrible. I feel like shit. What the hell did I do? She continued, "DO OU HAE ANY FUCKING IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE TO WAKE UP EVERY MORNING FEELING WORTHLESS? THINKING TO YOURSELF 'What am I going to fuck up today?' TRYING TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK PRETTY BECAUSE YOU FEEL UGLY? LOOKING IN THE MIRROR AND SEEING FAT? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO WANNA DIE EVERY DAY BECAUSE YOUR SO UNHAPPY WITH YOURSELF AND YOU FEEL LIKE EVERY ONE WOULD JUST BE BETTER OFF? NO YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE. SORRY I CAN'T BE FUCKIG PERFECT," she screamed. Full out sobbing by this point.

She angered me. She made my blood boil. She thinks she has the worst of everything. That she has such a bad life. I'm done. I can't fucking stand it anymore. I can't take all this bull shit.

I looked her in the eye and said, "We're done. I'm done. I'm done trying to make you happy. I'm done trying to be there for you. I've tried to help you. I've tried to show you love. It was all a fucking mistake! Have fun killing yourself, I'm done!" I screamed.

Her face went pale and the tears streamed down her face. She looked at me a my heart clenched. She looked so broken, so fragile, I cold finally see the pain in her eyes. She walked past me, grabbed the razor and ran down stairs. I fucked up again. "FUCK!!!!!!!!!" I yelled as I punched the wall and slid down it, crying into my knees.

She was gone.

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Hey sorry it's been awhile! I hope you enjoyed my chapter, I have had writers block. Thank god for my best friend Mya! Every one please read her fan fiction! Just search myatrietley ! Oh and Jeydon Wale would never say those things to anybody. its for the fan fiction. he is not an asshole, he is a caring sweetheart. COMMENT, VOTE, and TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MY STORY! I love you all. Stay Beautiful. Xx