Holding the Past

Concussion

Stella's POV:

It is Tuesday. The day of soccer practice. My schedule is very busy and it is only because of one reason only. One I won't tell anyone except Lottie. She is the only one who knows about my dark past. I can't tell anyone, I can't trust anyone. I won't trust anyone unless I knew them inside and out. It took Lottie ten years to break down my barriers and find out my deepest and darkest secrets. Anyone just glancing at me would think I am a smart, shy girl, and that is what I am. No one has seen my family and no one knows where I live. No one but Lottie. Well, that's because I live with Lottie in an apartment that her father gave to her. He gave it to her around the time I ran away. Nothing could stop me. I was planning to wait it out until I was legal, but I couldn't wait any longer. The things that lady did to me were unbearable.

"Cross!" I yell. Running down the line, I watch and call for the ball. We're playing scrimmage, and it was Mellie, Lottie, Alexis, Fiona, and Vanessa against me, Clarisse, Bella, Zoey, and Hannah with Ellie as referee. Then an indescribable pain explodes inside my head and I stumble. The ball comes at me, a famous hard kick of Bella's and it hits my head as I fall and everything turns black.

Nothing, that's all there is as I'm floating in blank space. I see a door, and I walk? I float to the door and open it quietly. I gasp at the sight. There's a girl on the floor and a woman is above her pulling at the girl's hair to get her up. The girl slowly rises and I almost vomit. It's me at a young age. The woman has a cup in her hand an unusual color swirling in it. The contents are pale yellow, like lemonade, but it isn't. I know what it is, it's a mixture of bleach and lemon juice. My throat constricts like it remembers what it was like to drink that. Nothing compared to her drinks was as bad.

"Drink it!" The woman screams. She looks like a mad woman, exactly what she is. But she always seems like a beautiful lady with a horrible daughter. Everyone who knew me in elementary were all nurses. I never told them how I got hurt, and I never called my own mother to take me home. I always called Lottie's mom who took me in like her own. Lottie's mom had had four miscarriages and she had always understood why I was afraid of my own mother.

"N-no. Please, no! Anything but that!" I hear the little version of me sob.

"You were a naughty girl!" She cackles. I want to rush in and help, but I am stuck at the doorway. It's as if my own dream doesn't want me to interfere. Then, everything fades into a different dream.

I am a teen now. Almost sixteen. My mom has started to starve me, and I look like a skeleton. I hear a knock at my old room's window, and my fifteen year old self crawls over to the window and it looks like I have to use all my strength to open the window.

"Here, I got you McDonald's. I wish I could get something better, but my dad needs me. I'll bring you more in the evening," Fourteen year old Lottie whispers through the window. I know how she got up there. There's a big old willow tree in front of my bedroom window and it hides anything inside the tree from plain sight.

"Thanks, I owe you big time," My old self's voice sounds hoarse and scratchy. I wince, knowing how bad the pain was.

"This is what best friends are for, though I didn't think it would get this bad," Lottie replies. With that, she disappears and old me digs into the packaging. I know that my mother came from her bingo late, but I hurry to eat anyways.

Darkness overcomes my vision and I wonder where I'm going next, I assume another torture scene, but I am at the day of the escapade. I just have a bag of clothes, and I know that my life's savings are in the bag too. Lottie's dad's car is waiting for me at the curb; my mother is at bingo again, and I am going with Lottie's family to California. It will be a long drive, because we used to live in Massachusetts. I watch all this happen and I sadly remembered all this. The dark envelopes me again.

I cry, " What is this about? I don't understand!" I thrash about trying to free myself from its grasp. I don't expect anything or anyone to reply.

I see another light peeping through the dark blanket of fear. Afraid of what I might witness, I attempt to close my eyes. Only attempt, however. The dark doesn't allow it. I shrink back as the dark gently pushes me forward. I stumble into the bright, sunny day.

It's the first day of school. I remember this. It was the day that I tried making friends with the girls Lottie easily fit in with.

"Stella! Come on! Meet our soccer team!" I see fifteen year old Lottie wave fifteen year old me over.

"Hi!" I waved brightly.

"Hey," only one girl bothered to look over. I can see the hurt flashing through younger me's eyes. My heart aches for who I was.

From then on, I'd vowed to get them to like me. Lottie was in on this plan, and she helped me enter all the activities. I'd interacted as much as I could, but it didn't change a thing.

Slim tendrils of nothing slide around my stomach and pull me backwards. I don't resist like before. It ushers me into a dark hallway. It's high school. I recognize this. It's one of the constant nightmares I have.

"Hello?" I call into the flickering hall. Suddenly, the bell rings. Students rush out of the doors, chattering and laughing. This is unlike the usual dream.

"Hi! I'm trying to find-" they walk around me and leave a huge gap where I stand.

"Lottie!" I spot her in the midst of the crowd. Shoving past the teens, I make my way to my best friend.

"Lottie!" I tap her on the shoulder.

"Do I know you?" She turns around with an expression I'm unaccustomed to having directed at me. It's a cold mask. One that you can't penetrate with anything. I can see nothing but indifference in her gaze. It terrifies me.

"I'm your best friend," I say hesitantly.

"You don't sound like you're sure of it," she laughs, it's a wicked sound.

"Don't you know me, Lottie?" My eyes plead along with my voice desperately.

"No, I don't. And don't call me Lottie. Only one person can do that, and it's not you. Let's go, girls," she sashays away. The walk is something I didn't know she has in her. I realize there are girls surrounding her. The soccer team. They give me dirty looks as they walk away, leaving me in the desolate, empty hallway.

a/n: So, here's chapter one. I've decided it will be a short story, not a full blown novel. Hopefully, that will be enough to tell Stella's story. Try to understand the soccer girls, they aren't evil, it's just they don't take interest to Stella. I don't think they ever will. Stella's just a girl that's on their soccer team. They grew up with each other, and Lottie's simply an accepting girl to any group. Enjoy their story!!

mer