How to Make Stars

"I want every piece of me to crash into every piece of you, I swear to god that's how they make stars."

-Mary Lambert from Sarasvati

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"Why do you always look so sad?"

Q looked up from where he was threading a needle through the underside of Alec's forearm, blinking in surprise before he quirked an eyebrow. "Do you usually ask your superiors such personal questions?"

Alec rolled his eyes, and Q focused back on his handiwork. They were in the Quartermaster's office, and though the smaller man was more subdued now, he had only minutes ago finished a massive rant about bloody double-ohs coming into his office in all sorts of shapes, usually every one of them having forgone medical to instead drip blood all over his floor. Alec had of course insisted that he had only a scratch, especially compared to double-oh two, who had only last week come in practically carrying part of his small intestine alongside him. Q had simply snapped at him that just because he was an angel it didn't mean that he couldn't bleed out, before sitting him down so that he could stitch up the deep laceration. Alec hadn't been able to protest, not when each fingertip placed against his skin buzzed with an electric spark.

"Don't you think we know each other well enough by now?" The agent asked. It had only been a month previous that Q had murmured soft words of comfort in his ear as Alec lay on the floor of a pharmaceutical business tycoon, sure that the poison he had been injected with was going to kill him. He hadn't asked for any assurances from his Quartermaster, he wouldn't be a double-oh if he had needed any, but Q was there for him none the less, reminding him to breathe, telling him he would help him in any way he could. Alec was still convinced that the gas leak and following explosion next door that had brought about the circumstances of his survival most definitely come about because of Q, though the Quartermaster admitted to nothing.

"I hardly find that relevant to the situation. Though I'll be severely disappointed if I find out that you and M get together for tea on Wednesday to gossip, because if you do then I might be out of 20 quid."

"Q," Alec reprimanded, "I'm being serious...for once. Us double-ohs were all about to ban together to throw you a surprise party simply because you always look like you're in desperate need of one."

It was Q's turn to roll his eyes. "You're right, how could I ever have thought that you were joking? And please don't ever do that. For some reason when the words "double-oh" and "surprise" are used in the same sentence it usually ends up meaning more explosions than strictly necessary." He stopped and studied Alec for a moment, and the agent did his best to keep his expression as solemn and open as possible, knowing the scrutiny he was currently being put under. He must have passed, as Q spoke again when going back to his work. "If you must know, I lost someone very dear to me, and I suppose I never really got over it."

"Was this during the war?" Alec had been only a fledgeling then, but evidence of the war remained everywhere, in buildings still bearing scorch marks and blackened fields where entire villages had once stood. The Darkness had left nothing unscathed.

"It was."

"That was an awfully long time ago."

Q leveled him with eyes as green as the jealousy that raged inside of Alec over this person who held such possession over the Quartermaster's heart and said, "There are some things that stay with you, no matter the amount of time that passes."

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Q had gotten the news late at night, Tanner popping into his office with a brief and to tell him that he would be leaving tomorrow morning. The order was sudden and came directly from the powers that be, the gears set into motion and already spinning at a rapid pace. Q read the file from his desk, anxiety churning in his gut over the fact that he was being sent out into the field until the folder's contents made his blood run cold.