Never a Burden (Ponyboy Sickfic)

Chapter 5: Feverish Guilt

Colours, dark menacing hues twisted and swirled in my mind, feverishly jutting and changing with each fleeting moment. Menacing. Haunting. Cold. I stirred with a jolt of panic coursing through me, my eyes opening wide before squinting against the smouldering light of the early morning sun, pain searing through my skull. I moaned, noticing the biting ache in my stomach and the raw scrapping sensation in my throat. Great, just what I need.

It was a moment before I realised that my brothers were no longer at my sides, the sensation of the mattress bowed no longer existent. With all the effort I could muster, I pushed myself up into a sitting position, a wave of dizziness catching me for a moment before easing away.

My eyes darted from side to side, panicky, afraid of being alone. Ever since Mum and Dad had died, I'd been terrified of being separated from my brothers, although I never let it show. Social Services trigged my fear worse than ever, but being sick didn't help matters either. I was weak and vulnerable with no way to defend myself.

I was relieved when the sound of scuffling footsteps coming down the hallway met my ears and I sighed, sinking down into the pillow once more. Very cautiously, the door creaked open to reveal Sodapop and Darry, their eyes drooping from lack of sleep and their cheeks pale. I felt guilt wash over me. That's why I didn't want them to know; I had only burdened them with more stress that they didn't need.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, my voice barely rising above a whisper, tears of overwhelming guilt clouding my eyes.

Darry and Soda looked at each other for a moment, before taking a step towards me, their features laced with confusion and concern. "What for, honey?" Soda asked, bewildered.

I didn't reply, but I curled my arms around my stomach once again, turning my head away with my eyes squeezed shut.  That seemed to be answer enough, for in seconds I felt two pairs of strong, comforting arms engulf me in an embrace so warm that I melted into it, the pain easing away slightly.

"Don't be sorry, Pony," I heard Darry whisper, his breath tickling my ear. "This wasn't your fault."

"Yeah," murmured Soda into my hair. "Don't feel bad for something that wasn't your fault, honey."

I felt the tears increase behind my closed eyelids, however I refused to let them fall, holding the rising rivers at bay. It was nice to be held by both my brothers again. I didn't remember this happening since the funeral...

For a few fleeting moments more it lasted, however time couldn't hold it's breath forever and the arms disappeared, yet still that contented, warm feeling remand. I allowed my watery eyes to flutter open, a weak smile gracing my lips as I gazed up at my brothers. They both grinned back, but what I saw clutched in Darry's hand made me cringe; a glass of water.

"Do you think you could try some water for us again, Pony?"

I eyeballed it like it was an explosive object, my eyes wide, the colour draining from even my lips. Losing my voice, I shook my head, my stomach churning just at the thought. Darry's eyes softened for a moment, which was rare to find in his ice-teal gaze.

"Please, Ponyboy. Just one little sip and that's it."

I found my voice. "But I don't want to be sick again," I whimpered, my hands trembling at the thought, memories floating back in a haze of a nightmare.

It was Soda's turn next. "Look, kiddo. I promise you won't be sick again. Just trust me, ok?"

I eyed him for a moment. How did he know? But it was his eyes, so piercing, so honest that caused me to put all of my faith into his words. Maybe he didn't know, but he believed in me and I couldn't turn away from that.

My eyes round, I gave a faint nod, my voice deserting me completely. A small smile curved Soda's lips, placing a hand under my bicep and gradually raising me into a sitting position. I took the glass in a grip that could break it, gazing at the water in pure wariness, hesitant, yet with one final glimpse at my two brothers, I was given the courage to raise it to my lips and allow the liquid to trickle down my throat.

At first, the writhing of nausea took hold and I shook my head, my lips becoming a thin line as I begged it wouldn't come rushing back up. Yet after a few drawn out moments, the convulsions began to become fainter, the agitation ebbing away and as if I'd just lifted my head above the water, I gasped, slumping back into the pillows, too weak to support myself any longer. Darry and Soda both cheered, grinning brightly.

"Good job, Pony," Darry praised, squeezing my hand.

"I knew you could do it," Soda cried, patting my shoulder. I smiled meekly, yet I was too drained to feel any happiness, only relief. I sunk deep into the covers, my sight hazing as exhaustion began to take hold, the energy ebbing from my sore and aching body. I felt a cool, soothing hand caress my forehead, as gentle as Mum used to do it so long ago. I miss my mum.

"Still warm," Darry's baritone voice cooed soft. "Better though, baby."

I could sense the darkness closing in on me, and with fingers rubbing circles on the back of my hand and with a hand holding my cheek, I shut off the desire to stay awake, my eyes falling closed. In seconds, sleep enveloped me and I was out like a light.

~~~~

Hey guys!

I just want to apologise for how long it's been since I posted a new chapter. Many things have happened recently and I just haven't had the time to work on anything. I'm not sure how much longer this story will go on for, but I do think it will finish soon. Like I did say at the beginning, this wasn't going to be as serious as my other novel, An Angel in Darkness, which I advise you take a look at.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter,

M. Elyse Lynch