shameless -> philkas (extreme hiatus)

chapter 10

(cat is played by iliana raykovski *wink wink*)

Phillip's P.O.V.

i walked along the street with tears in my eyes. i knew it. i was too late for witness. i hope he is happy with that girl, rose.

he didn't deserve me anyways.

my mood changes too quickly and I can't make up my mind.

i hope rose treats him well. better then i would probably. it was 12:30 at night and i just had to get away from him. he was yelling at me this morning about something stupid so i grabbed our dog, pilot and put the lease on him and we haven't been home since then. i, of course, knew he didn't want to walk that much so for the last three hours, i have been carrying him.

right now, he is sleep in my arm.

pilot is the best thing in my life right now.

i would break up with him but my mind just still loves him. even though it shouldn't. he treats me like crap, he never says he loves me, he pushes me around the house, and he never compliments me. even through it all, i still think he loves me.

he just has an odd way of showing it.

i wipe away the tears and make small sniffly sounds. people just continue walking past, giving apologetic smiles at me. i like how they give me privacy but right now i just want to let it all out.

i could talk to my family but we had a falling out a couple of months ago and we haven't spoken since. it was over my boyfriend. they totally agreed with witness and thought my boyfriend was just using me. if only i had believed them.

just two days ago, i walked in on him with another guy. they didn't even care i was there. they even asked me to join. i ran out of the house with pilot in my hands and slept outside. but yet i still love him?

i hate myself for it.

"hello, dude can you please move? you are blocking up the walk way." a girl says from behind me. i guess i never realised i had stopped.

i nod and continue walking along when i feel a person poke at my back.

"hey are you okay?" the same girl asks from before. i nod and look down at my feet.

"you're lying."

i continue to look at my feet and more tears spring out of my eyes. the girl pulls my face up and forces me to look in her eyes. "come over here." she says and pulls me towards a bench nearby. i sit down and put pilot in my lap. he gets comfortable again and falls asleep.

"my name is cat. tell me whats wrong? i live nearby and i have seen you walking outside with your dog since 9 this morning. and you are only wearing a small jacket! it's winter! and you haven't eaten at all this whole day! good thing i have some dog treats in my bag." cat rambles as she pulls a plastic bag of dog treats out of her purse.

pilot's eyes immediately open and sits up in my lap. cat smiles and pulls one out of the bag. pilot grabs onto it and automatically chews it. after eating half of the bag, he falls back asleep in my lap. "so come on. tell me whats wrong?" she asks as pets pilot.

so i tell her.

i tell her about everything, about witness, my boyfriend, and my family. i must say, cat is an excellent listener but she talks way too much. she kept making little comments as i was speaking. but it was nice to get it off my chest. "wow, phillip." she says and sighs.

tell me something i don't know.

"have you tried talking to your boyfriend about how you feel? maybe he will change? i don't know?" she asks and wraps her winter coat around her even more as a harsh blast of wind blows past us. i shiver and shake my head.

"no because i'm a pussy."

"you are not. stop bringing yourself down, phillip."

i nod and run a hand thru my hair. "i'm afraid of what he might say. or do.." i say and put my head down. "i'm afraid he might do something to me. i still think he loves me but he just has an odd way of showing it."

cat shakes her head and puts her hand on my knee. i look up and stare into her light brown eyes. she smiles sadly.

we talked for the next hour until she said she had to go.

"my girlfriend, kira is going to kill me if i don't get home right now. text me and tell me how it goes. it was nice talking too. good luck, babe." cat says and kisses my cheek. she tells me her number and then she's gone. not without one last hug to pilot though.

i pick pilot up and start our walk back home with him in my arms. by now, it's 1:30 at night and snow is falling harshly. at first, it was barely even snowing and now it's snowing cats and dogs.

by the time we got home, it was 2:30 and the snow was up to my calves. i walked into the elevator and pressed our floor number. it moved slowly but it gave me a perfecr view of the city. as it dinged, i walked down the hall to our door. i pulled out the key and opened the door. pilot struggled to get out of my arms and i gently put him on the ground. he ran towards his doggie bed and plops down. i chuckle then take off my shoes as quietly as i could, not to wake him up.

as soon as my shoes are off, i race towards the bathroom to take a quick hot shower to regain feeling in my frost bitten fingers.

the hot water feels good on my back and decide to stay in there for 20 minutes, not even bothering to wash my hair. i hop out and make my way as quietly as i could towards our bedroom.

there he was in all his glory, naked in bed. he seemed to be holding a picture of us from when we were in high school.

i smile and open my dresser to find a pair of grey sweatpants. i don't even bother looking for a shirt or underwear and walk out of our room again to put my towel back in the bathroom.

i finally slip into bed and smile. as much as i hate him, i love him. he opens one of his eyes and looks into mine. his mouth falls open but i put my finger on his mouth to stop him from ruining this moment. he nods and i turn my body to face away from him.

as i'm about to fall asleep, he puts his arm around my waist and pulls me towards him.

i used to dream of these moments back in high school. i dreamed of having the love of my life sleeping right next to me. and now here i am.

and who would know it would be the person i hate and love at the same time.

who would know it would be lukas.

~~

dun, dun, dunnnnn.

im sorry this sucks so much omg

im honestly so surprised that people are actually reading this

like it sucks ass ok but thank you so much!! i love you all so much!! please don't be afraid to message me if you wanna talk!!