(Don't) Leave Me Alone •twenty one pilots-Tyler Joseph•

thirty nine//you keep chipping off a piece

||Charlotte Robin Dun|| First Person||

The scalding hot water spurts down in an arch from the shower head over my tired and sore body, my eyes squeezed shut tightly in pain.

She's like a rock and you keep chipping off a piece to hold onto.

This can't be happening to me. This isn't real. This has to be all some sort of sick joke that everyone is taking part in, or maybe even just one terrifyingly long nightmare that I just can't seem to snap myself back out of it and into the land of consciousness. I can't be any more sick than I already am, I can't be all of these things. This isn't fair! I've done nothing wrong to deserve this sort of fate, I don't need this happening to me.

"I-I-I," I stutter, sinking down the shower wall slowly and down to the ground of the tub. The water beats down on my body violently as the tears stream down my face, a cascade of the two pouring down my cheeks and mixing together. "I can't do this," I sob out quietly, my words barely audible underneath the sound of my raw cries and the hiccups catching in my throat. The shower water swirls in a pool underneath and around me, slowly draining as more and more water keeps coming down. "I can't live like this."

And it's true- I can't. I can't spend another minute trapped in this place- I think I'll kill myself before I have to endure another month and a half of this torture. I'm being drugged up, subdued into some sort of toy that they can easily tweak before shipping me back to Columbus with a brand new tag and barcode tattooed on me. I can't imagine surviving this any longer.

Waking up this morning was no relief like it used to be. The sun slowly rising and defeating the night used to feel like I won a war every single night by merely staying alive and not succumbing to the horrors that plague me in the darkness, but now it's almost like a saddening defeat- I didn't die in my sleep once again. The first night without anything to occupy myself was terrifying, and I expected it to get better. But it's Thursday now and not a single thing has changed for me. I can't live like this.

"Charlotte!" I hear someone shouting from outside of the bathroom door. I recognize the voice as Mrs. Moore. "Charlotte, sweetie, are you alright in there? You've been in there for forty minutes, darling!"

"J-just a m-minute!" I call out in a weak and broken voice, stuttering relentlessly on my words. I pull myself up to my feet by holding onto the wall, trying to steady my feet as I try to regain my balance. I rub my face quickly in the water that's now a lukewarm temperature, attempting to rod my features of the red tint that's following the sobs that I'm attempting to choke back. Another knock, louder this time around and sounding more urgent than before sounds from outside of the bathroom.

"Charlotte! I want you out in five minutes!" Mrs. Moore demands over the roar of the shower. I gasp for air and turn away from the shower head, pressing my face against the cold wall while attempting to catch my breath.

"Ye-yeah!" I shout out. "I'll be there!" I lean against the wall and watch the water pour down onto the shower floor, the water draining in one long cycle. Eventually, five minutes passes and the door is being banged harder than ever. I don't feel like I have enough energy to get it, so I slowly sit down and lean my head in the corner of the walls, letting out a breathy sob. "I can't do this," I whisper to myself, "Ryan, I can't do this for you anymore."

"Charlotte!" Someone else is pounding their fist on the door, this time louder and insistent, almost like they're trying to break the door down. Mr. Truman, the little bitchh. "If you do not come out within thirty seconds, we will break down this door!"

"Go the fuck ahead!" I call out weakly. "You fuckingg pervert!" I bring my knees up to my chest and close my eyes, wrapping my arms around my body. I can't even find the energy to get up. Dr. Tancredi mentioned to me that I have Mixed Bipolar Disorder, which means that apparently I experience both typed of episodes at once or consecutively- I'll have moment where I'm extremely elated and energetic or irritable and reckless which is mania and then I'll have depressive episodes where I'm sad and moody and exhausted. And the worst part is the fact that I can experience the both of those in one giant ball of emotions- crying uncontrollably while talking about how happy I feel with everything. So far that hasn't happened to me, but I find myself waking up some mornings, just like today, in such a lousy mood that I can't bother to do anything but sit there and stare at the wall.