Survive [Larry Stylinson]

Chapter 66.

He's not him. He will never be.

All the senses in my body are telling me how wrong this is. Nothing feels the same when I'm with him. My guts are trying to show me that this is wrong and oh have they ever been this right. Don't get me wrong. Anthony is amazing. In so many ways. To be quite honest he is everything I need right now. He cares so much about me. He's always there for me and he would never hurt me. Perfect, right? But even though he's everything that I know I need, doesn't mean he's what I want.

He has a nice smile. But the sides of his eyes don't crinkle in that adorable way Louis' does. He has a charming gaze. But it is nothing compared to when Louis looks at me fondly. He has the most clean cut laugh there ever was. But what is that compared to the precious laugh of literal sunshine?

Sure, Anthony is a gentleman and has an astounding personality. He has such a tended language. I don't ever think I've heard him swear. He's really openly affectionate and open with his feelings. He's not afraid to show his sensitive side. I mean I've known the guy for a really short period of time, and I already know everything there is to know about him and his past.

But what if that's not perfect for me? What if I like the way Louis curses under his breath every time something is bothering him? What if I appreciate the way Louis rarely shows affection until it really matters? What if I adore the fact that Louis likes to play all tough and macho when in reality he has a really soft sensitive side that people rarely get to see? And you know what? Even though I always complain that I don't know enough about Louis, I actually respect the fact that he doesn't share everything with anyone. He's a closed book. Read one chapter at a time and you will find out what you need to know.

"We have to get going if we want our reservations"

Anthony informs as we sit in the couch in Louis and my apartment. I'm laying all over the couch with my head rested on Anthony's chest. Even this feels wrong, like, what the hell? Can't anything just feel remotely right with him? I know it's wrong of me to compare the both of them like this. It's not fair, I know. I'm supposed to completely move on from Louis and just put him behind me... But how can I when it is eating me from the inside? If I go on like this, with another person in mind than the person next to me it's not going to be fair to any of us.

"Can't we just eat here instead? I don't feel like going to a fancy restaurant..." I say and sit up, rubbing my eyes. I'm not even a lazy type of person, I just want to find any excuse to stay as close to Louis as possible. Even though he's been sleeping in his bedroom until noon. Gosh, Louis' bad habits are rubbing off on me. Usually I would love to get all cleaned up and go on a romantic dinner, but now, instead I'd rather stay here all day. Doing nothing.

"No come on now. We've already payed for the table and all" He says and scruffs my hair. His tone is quite playful but I can tell that he's beginning to grow tired of me not wanting to do anything. Dear god, I'm learning to find everything he does annoying. Even now when he scruffed my hair I found it highly unnecessary even though I know I would adore it if Louis did it. Double standards, aye? I frown at him and put my locks back in place with a unsettle annoyed face.

"Oh give me a break"

I hear the long awaited voice complain a couple of feet away. I turn around to see Louis standing outside his bedroom door in his sweatpants, white t-shirt and scruffy hair all over his forehead. He looks like a moody tired little hedgehog standing there and I have never found him more precious.

"Don't worry, Louis. We were just leaving." Anthony defends and gets up from the couch. I know the tension is tense between them cause they obviously don't like each other but I don't care. Louis is being jealous and he's making it very evident.

"Lovely. I would ask where you're going but I can honestly not care less" Louis states which causes Anthony to chuckle. To be honest I find this whole situation quite entertaining, and that makes me feel like a terrible person.

"Oh and there is some food left in the fridge from last night if you want it." Louis suddenly changes completely by telling Anthony. We both look at him surprised. "I mean, considering you like my leftovers so much."

He then says. Oh shit. Why is he being so shady? Since when did I turn into leftovers? Oh my god. I wish I had a ratchet audience right now that could go 'ooooo' and 'oh no he didn't' and 'oh snap'. Cause that's all I can hear in my head at the moment. Seriously though. What has gotten into him? He just woke up so he can't possibly been drinking? I don't remember him being this cranky at mornings?

I notice that Anthony gets really pissed off now so I pull him by his sleeve before this fight end ups being other things than verbal. "It's okay. Just ignore him" I say.