Survive [Larry Stylinson]

Chapter 1.

"Harry dinner is ready!"

My mother's dear voice calls from outside the bathroom. The door is locked and I am standing in front of the mirror with visibly red bloodshot eyes, pale skin and wet cheeks. I glance down at the palm of my hand that is filled with my mother's several types of pills. I stare back up at my reflection in fear.I really hope this works but even if it doesn't, I won't stay. I don't want them to find me dead in their home. I'd rather have them think that I'm leaving for good. My mother doesn't deserve this pain, I know, But I just can't take it anymore. Besides, if she now refuses to leave my drunk of a stepfather I have no other choice but to leave. I just can't stay in a house with him in charge.

"Harry!" She calls again. Even louder this time. I can tell by her voice that she's growing impatient. My legs start shaking at the sudden stress. I have to get on with it already.

"Just a second!"

I shout back. Okay this is it. If I stay in here any longer she will grow suspicious. I stare down at the pills once more. Debating weather it's a good idea or not. If I do this now, there will be no turning back. I sigh. There's no more time to lose. It's now or never. My hands are shaking, causing several pills to drop to the floor. I close my eyes and force all of it into my mouth. I wash it down my throat with some water. I have to get out of here before it kicks in. I take a deep breath, unlock the door and rush out of the bathroom. Trying to digest the fact that I actually did it. After years and years I actually did it.

Luckily I have everything planned out, so outside the bathroom is my suitcase. I have packed some essentials just in case. And I have to make my excuse believable so a suitcase is the way to go. I just can't leave without a bag, they will know that I'm lying then. I grab it and walk into the kitchen where they're both sitting in silence. Mum looks so worn out. Her hair is a mess, her eyes are practically red from the lack of sleep and she is becoming extremely thin since she barely eats anymore. She smokes all the time now a days and there's just no happiness there anymore. It's like living with the remains of what used to be my mother, but now nothing but a complete stranger.

"What are you standing there for? Have a seat. Or do you want your mother to feed you like a baby?"

Joe teases. He's sitting there with several empty beer bottles in front of him, and one half empty in his hand. His hair is becoming grey and thin. And his belly is just growing bigger every day. He disgusts me. Mom doesn't say anything, she just sits there in silence. Guess she's getting way too used to me and Joe not getting along.

"I'm not hungry." I say calmly. Trying to keep this conversation civil. Joe chuckles loudly.

"You're not turning anorexic now, are ya?" He laughs. Clearly only entertaining himself.

"I'm actually leaving." I say. Mom finally reacts. She turns to me with widened eyes. "I'm going to live with Chad from now on. I've already discussed it with him. It's all planned out."

I lie. Chad is like the only friend I've ever had that's not related to me. But the truth is that he doesn't even live here. Once upon a time he used to be my sisters best friend so when she died he kind of disappeared for a while. I recon that he might still be living somewhere in England. But luckily for me, my mother has no idea that I haven't spoken to him in ages. I mean, we've been living in L.A. for almost a year now. Out of all places in this wonderful city Joe chose an old dirty tiny little flat in a horrible street with gun shots heard every other day. We're lucky that town is just a couple of blocks from here.

"You can't just leave! You're still a minor! I'm still your guardian!"

"Mom i'm 20! I'm certainly not a minor! I can leave if i please." I try to keep my voice calm. I don't want to argue with her. That's not how I want her to remember me. She sinks into her chair as if it was some big revelation.

"But-"

"Anne. If the boy wants to leave he can. He's old enough to make his own decisions and it will be a pleasure to get rid of him once in for all"

Joe says with his disgusting off putting grin. My stomach turns just by looking at him. To be honest the last thing I want to do is to leave my precious mother with this horrible man. But if it wasn't for him she wouldn't have a place to live right now. He helps her economy and for some reason she loves him. So no matter how hard it is for me to actually believe that she can love a man like that I'll just have to accept it.

Silence fills the room for a moment. I clear my throat.

"Well... I'm not really good with goodbyes... But uhm..." I begin. They both stare at me heedfully. "Mom. I love you. You are an amazing woman and thank you for everything... I mean it." I say. Mother smiles at me but seems extremely worried. I take a deep breath and turn to the ugly fat drunk next to her. "And Joe?"

"Yes?"

"Fuck you." I say and smile at him. Just as I see his face go completely red with anger I grab my coat and hurry out of there. I couldn't be more satisfied right now. That was the last thing I said to the both of them and I don't regret a single word of it.

As I walk down to the crowded streets i begin to feel the pills start to kick in. I start getting a bit dizzy. I'm not going to die in the middle of the streets. If I collapse here someone will surely call the ambulance in time and they'll save me, and that's not what I came here to do. If I did all of this, I expect a guaranteed death.

And that's the moment I laid eyes on the tall building in front of me. The first thought that came to mind was jumping. This building is tall enough for me to die instantly if I jump from the rooftop. I walk into the building that appears to be filled with apartments. I take the rusty old elevator to the roof. When I get there it is freezing cold. But I'm not alone.

There is a guy standing in the middle of the rooftop, smoking a cigarette. I ignore him and walk towards the edge. He frowns and looks at me suspiciously. At this point I'm walking like a drunk thanks to the pills. Everything around me is blurry and I can feel his eyes following me but I ignore it. I stand on the edge, trying to keep my balance. I don't even dare to look down. It is completely dark outside and all I can see now while looking up is the stars. I then lift my right leg and get ready to jump. I begin counting down. "3.....2.........1"