Away with the birds

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I am dedications this chapter to SuperSquirrel23 for being such a great friend for so many years, and helping me when I most needed it. Love you!

The months past by quickly and Draco was too busy trying to tell himself that he didn't fancy Harry Potter to notice much that was going on. When it was common knowledge that something wasn't right in the school( aka the Chamber of Secrets had been opened) Draco almost lost himself. Whenever he was near Harry he always showed off, by acting extra cruel and hissing crude things Harry's way, in a desperate hope to catch his attention. Unfortunately, they only times he did, it was negative.

Once the year was over Draco was dreading going home. To be fair, can you blame him? He slowly dragged his feet off the Hogwarts Express towards his awaiting anxious mother who looked surprisingly weak and frail. Draco noticed the faint outline of a bruise below her right eye, obvious to Draco that it was covered by an concealment charm that was wearing off. He wanted desperately to ask Narcissa what kind of mood Lucius was in, even if he did, he already knew the answer. The same mood he was always in. Abusive.

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The years past by and no one seemed to notice-if they did, then care- how much Draco was struggling inside. His self hate was getting to the point where he stopped questioning and denying the things the terrible little voices in his head hissed, he was too numb. As of late, he just kept agreeing with them. When in school, Draco constantly used concealment charms to hide the huge dark purple bags under his eyes and his gaunt, unnaturally thin and extraordinarily pale face. He put on a mask when he was around others.

To everyone else he was Draco Malfoy; the daddy's boy, the bully, the Slytherin prince, Harry Potters worst enemy. To himself, he was Draco; the boy who was so close to giving up, the boy whose crush on Harry Potter had developed into something more, something dangerous, the boy who was inside as smart(maybe even smarter) then the brainiac Hermione Mudblood Granger, the boy who was dying inside.

Draco yearned to tell someone, hungered for somebody to take his hand and tell him everything would be okay. Every night Draco was unable to escape the nightmare. He had hundreds, all worst than the last. A few kept repeating themselves though. The one where Harry Potter was being put under the Cruciatus Curse until he turned insane, the time his father almost beat him to death and the one where he was under the Imperious Curse and was forced to murder Harry.

Now, I want you to think of all the horrible things Draco has done. Faking injuries, swearing at and bullying the Golden Trio, bullying first years. But you want to know the truth? He didn't want to do that. He have into peer pressure, blindly attempted to impress Harry or just because his friends were around. He also deep down, desperately wanted to impress his father. Inside, Draco felt like he wasn't like the other students. Why? For many reasons, but the main one was that all around him, he was seeing the others become their own person. Since they were nearing adult hood, they began to mature, finding out about themselves. Draco didn't. He felt like he was play dough; being moulded into just what his father wanted.

More than a few times, he had witnessed boys and girls alike come out about their sexuality, and he so desperately wanted to. He dreamed of standing at the Headmasters podium, shouting it to the sky, then running out the doors. Sometimes in those dreams Harry Potter followed him out, and then they kissed. But Draco knew that would never happen. He knew that Harry Potter despised him with all of his heart, and Draco was supposed to hate him. That was the way it was meant to be. And Draco hated it.

(Minor trigger warning)

It was now the start of sixth year and Draco had been forced to become a Death Eater. Oh cruel world, don't you know what that did to him? It only increased his self hate -if that was even possible- and helped Draco discover a 'relief' from the pain he was feeling inside. Yes, Draco had started to self harm. It started when he was trying to curse his Dark Mark off, and he accidentally cut his arm with a spell. Now, about two weeks later, it had become an addiction, latched into him like a leech he couldn't shake off.

Draco stood alone on the platform, swaying slightly. He couldn't be bothered to perform concealment charms on his face anymore. His deathly pale skin stuck to his face like wax and the bags under his eyes were almost black. He was done. He slowly forced himself onto the train. He forced smiled through his friends conversations but barely contributed. As usual, his mind was away, away with the birds. Ha, he wished. Away with the voices, the scary depressing thoughts. And, of course, Harry Potter, who his love for had not wavered one single bit. He heard shuffling from above Crabbe's head, in the trunk rack. He saw a flicker of material and his heart rate increased dramatically. It was Harry.

He knew he shouldn't jump to conclusions, but who else had an invisibility cloak? Draco quickly felt the familiar tug on his heart and felt the need to show off. He then boasted about how he wouldn't come to school the next year. When the train had stopped, his vision went black.

When he suddenly awake again, he thought he had fainted. Then he realized he was standing in the train hallway a couple of minutes later and memories that weren't his flooded his brain. What?! He didn't-Oh gosh! He had been under the Imperious Curse! And he had- he couldn't even think about it.

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Later that night, when he was safely tucked in his bed in the Slytherin dorms, he came face to face with what he did. He'd broken Harry Potters nose, stunned him, then covered him with the invisibility cloak! His already major load of self hate grew considerably larger that night, considering its massive size already.




Yay! There we go. A bit of a sad chapter. I added that bit about Draco um hurting himself because that will play a big part in a couple chapters. Just remember, hurting yourself isn't the answer! If you need to talk to anybody, just pm me, and I'd be happy to help. Hope you like the chapter lovelies!

Oh and also remember,
ALWAYS
(Eat cookies)
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