Come the night you dim the lights and close the blinds, but I still see them running down your spine. - White Noise by PVRIS
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When someone knocked on my door at 3:23 a.m. I felt like I knew who it was. Only one person would ever do that. Only one person had the guts to do it and that one person was the only person I spoke more than three words to.
And when I opened the door I didn't know why I was surprised when he fell on me. This has happened three times in a row. It started since Staurday, today is Friday. I sigh and hug him to me as I tried to carefully get him to my bed. I could be nice.
"Do you want to know what I told Becky?" He slurred, hugging me when I almost tripped and fell. He was stumbling around and it made it all the more difficult to get him there without falling myself. Even though I was struggling I still nodded my head at him and mumbled a yeah.
When I lay him on the bed he pulled me down to him. My eyes widened when I landed on top of his crotch. I moved my feet to straddle him to get myself off easier but he held me tighter against him.
"I told her," he breathes out heavily while closing his eyes. I couldn't help but stare at his pink, inviting lips. I licked my lips and looked up to his eyes which was focused on me.
"I told her that I feel rain in my heart because you reside there." He hugs me tighter and I have to resist the temptation of kissing him.
"I was talking about you, Crayst." He rubs my cheeks and I turn away. I almost tell him that I know because he just told me but I don't. Instead I lay my head against his chest and listen to the beating of his heart.
"It's because I'm falling in love with you, and I hate you for that. And I know when I'm ready to stop falling it will be more painful than you can imagine because you won't care." I look up at him, ready to argue because I did in fact care about him. I think. But he stops me by pressing his lips against mine, moving them roughly and slightly sloppy. Before I know it I'm kissing him back fervently while straddling him. A strong desire sprouts from within me as I rub my crotch against his, loving the feel of his bulge pressing up against my womanhood. I moan and grab his head just as he grabs my waist, pressing me harder against him.
I pause and intake a deep breath once I felt his hands trailing up my thighs. This was the first time he has ever touched me like this. This was the first time he was this close to me. The first time we were this close to each other.
"I love your hair." He murmurs against my lips before fisting it and kissing me again, this time with much more passion. I pull away from him when the sudden realization that I was taking advantage of his drunken state hit me.
"Sleep babe." I pull myself out of his grip and walk over to the window sill where I was previously. I pick up the pack of cigarettes I dropped on the floor along with the lighter. I light one and take a drag, breathing out deeply when I couldn't hold it in anymore. My stress left me in the form of smoke.
"Why do you always do this to me?" I hear Allen quietly question. I chuckle lightly before looking at him. He isn't facing me, instead he's lying on his back where I left him with his hands clasped on his stomach. I chuckle lightly before looking back out the window and moving my dangling foot back and forth.
"Do what, baby?" I take another drag before blowing out rings of smoke. I smile slightly at my creation before poking my fingers through the fading rings.
"Blank out on me." He murmurs. I sigh and rub my eyes.
"I'm sorry babe. I just...just sleep sweetheart, it'll be better in the morning." I feel the sting of tears and frown when they begin to leak out of my eyes. "I'll be better in the morning." I whisper.
"I have experienced what you've been through you know." I don't reply and he doesn't comment. Instead the sound of light snoring reaches my ears two minutes later. I almost choke on a sob when I bring the cigarette back to my lips. I puff out a halo and place my head under it when the smoke falls. It was the closet to being an angel that I would possibly get.
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And I silently cry into the night because I'm messed up. And he loves me. But yet I still manage to hurt him more than I hurt myself. I smoked about two more cigarettes before I climbed in behind him and hugged him to me.
"And while you're falling I'm already shattered." She whispered to him before sleeping too. Because she's messed up. And Allen loves her. And she's far too gone for redemption.
